When caring for yourself is a struggle..
I grew up hypervigilant anticipating everyone else's needs, while ignoring my own, pushing myself past exhaustion to prove myself, building relationships with people who didn't and couldn't care for me because my needs weren't a priority. Truth is, I didn’t know how to care for myself.
This September,
I'm showing up for you in ways you may struggle showing up for yourself.
I never saw what it looks like for a woman to take care of her own needs.
I always saw my mother caring for others.
When she was caring for others, there was a bright smile on her face.
When she wasn't, she looked exhausted and fell asleep whenever she was off her feet.
Because my mother worked so much and so hard for everyone else, I have very few memories of us spending time together, playing, enjoying each other's company.
Watching this as a child embedded in my subconscious that everyone else's needs come before my own.
It taught me to never pay attention to myself, ignore my body and intuition.
I grew up hypervigilant anticipating everyone else's needs, while ignoring my own, pushing myself past exhaustion to prove myself, building relationships with people who didn't and couldn't care for me because my needs weren't a priority. I knew how to take care for myself, and I knew how to care for them too.
Truth is, I didn't know how to care for myself.
I knew how to make it look like I was cared for while silently suffering. I was the epitome of depressed but make it cute.
I watched my mom have mental breakdowns just to go back to doing the same things that broke her down. I followed her footsteps.
There is only one thing that is different about my breakdowns than my mothers. Instead of running to church or the same friends or family members that didn't know how to support me, I ran to nature. I wandered the forest. I ran to a different country. I submerged myself underwater. I ate plants. I watched the stars. I listened to the birds. I found nourishment from the Earth.
Nature saved me and continues to whenever I get lost.
As I approach my 33rd year this Virgo season, I'm reminded of my purpose. Virgo is represented as a pure being holding grains in her palm. It's as if she is here to remind others the power and gift nature holds.
This September I am here to remind you of how to care for yourself.
To remind you the power you hold is found within.
Will you take this opportunity to practice meeting your needs?
Will you take this opportunity to define your needs?
Will you take this opportunity to nourish the parts of you begging for your attention?
September I'll hold the space for us to
-move our bodies
-learn how to care for ourselves from local professionals
-manage our papers
-manage our digital world
-manage our homes
I'm doing this because I know if we learn how to care for our needs better, the men around us will know how to care for us better, the children we're raising will know how to care for their needs better.
The next generation will be filled with men who support their women and women who know what it looks and FEELS like to be supported.
In order for this to happen it starts with us.
See you 9p-10 est Sun- Thurs
The Power, Pain, and Process of Letting Go
Letting go is not about throwing everything away, cutting off toxic relationships, and chopping off all your hair. Granted, each of these things may happen as you shed the old you and welcome in a new phase. But there’s more going on underneath the surface...
Letting go is not about throwing everything away, cutting off toxic relationships, and chopping off all your hair. Granted, each of these things may happen as you shed the old you and welcome in a new phase. But there’s more going on underneath the surface. I was highly ambitious a few weeks ago when I decided to spend the next 19 days letting go of everything unnecessary in my life. Just in time for a fresh start on my 28th birthday. The first couple of days were a breeze. I was tossing like a mother. Plus I had great motivation to donate for Hurricane Harvey relief in Houston. It wasn’t until I reached the non-physical things that brought up tons of hesitation. Sometimes we’re ready for great change in life on birthdays, New Years, in new seasons, but even positive change can feel awful adjusting to, especially when doing it alone.
Expect the Great, Gross, and Transforming
Letting go of things should feel freeing and revitalizing, right? There should be a total shift in your heart, body and spirit that makes you feel like a new person. Let me assure you, these feelings do come, but not during the process. When you’re clearing out your closet, deleting thousands of emails, tossing memorabilia of horrible exes, you’re also reflecting on the choices you’ve made. And these choices don’t go down easy. You struggle with the shame and disappoint. All of sudden, your and past and present are looking you in the face begging for answers. That’s where most of us get angry, sad or both then bail. We’d rather not deal with it, not today, not ever. But that’s the thing, it never leaves us. The energy of our things and choices is always there and it rears its ugly head the next time change comes into our lives (a new relationship, birth, death, a new job opportunity).
The Power in Letting Go
We are the sum of our experiences. Each one preparing us for the next. We often ask to be blessed with greatness beyond measure, yet don't understand what it will take to hold onto the things we desire. Letting go is about taking the time to learn from our past. Reflect on it, grow from it, and be thankful for getting past it. Most of all, it’s embracing who and where we are now. None of us are who we were two years ago, one relationship ago, or even a day ago. Today we are filled with new hopes and aspirations that can only materialize if we make room for it. That’s why there’s power in learning to let go.
Learn to Let Go
A few weeks ago I was stopped dead in my tracks as I let go of everything from papers and emails to negative thoughts. Letting go of things that don’t provide value to our lives, produce benefits of many kind: clarity, focus, less stress, increased content, peace, joy and the list goes on. Getting stuck in the process can be discouraging but the positive effects are also motivation enough to learn how to overcome them. I realized just like my clients, I needed support, and knew I wasn’t the only one. As Fall sheds the dead to hibernate for the Winter in preparation to blossom in the Spring, the symbolism of it felt like the perfect time to learn the art of letting go. For the month of October I’ll be practicing the art of letting go and having candid conversations about the process. If you’re ready for a new season in your life, join in, let go and start anew.
Feel free,
Mel
Join the Facebook group for inspiration and support as together we learn to let go and feel free.
Interested in letting go of things in your home? As a Professional Organizer that’s what I do. Don’t be shy, contact me for your free consult.
Mothers, Permission to be Tardy
The greatest commodity is time. Not money, talent or possessions, but time. I never truly realized how precious it was until I became a mother. A lot of my time was consumed with thinking about his needs, my responsibilities and everything in between. Suddenly I found myself using every minute of every day getting attempting to get things done.
The greatest commodity is time. Not money, talent or possessions, but time. I never truly realized how precious it was until I became a mother. A lot of my time was consumed with thinking about his needs, my responsibilities and everything in between. Suddenly I found myself using every minute of every day "attempting" to get things done.
All my life I’ve had a strange relationship with time. I knew it was important and shouldn’t be wasted, yet dreaded not having enough or using it properly. Growing up my father shaped this perception. It wasn’t acceptable to spend a second doing nothing or allow others to waste those seconds. So to this day, I rush through everything. As if faster is better, when honestly, it’s just exhausting.
I see my clients (mainly mothers) go through this as well. Lining things up perfectly so everything happens at the right time, in the right order. Frustrated and absolutely pissed when it doesn’t. Who do you think gets the blame? Themselves of course, for not seeing the obstacle coming. For not being able to predict the future, for not being magic, for not being perfect.
I find myself doing the same. Rushing through life trying to get everything in as it should be. Desperately reaching for the overarching goal- perfection. You know what I’m talking about. Having the perfect day, being the perfect person, having the perfect life. My mouth waters just typing it.
It's All Perfect Timing
This past week I wanted to go to two events. Both were extremely important to me. It got on my calendar, made arrangements for IV, and “prepped” the night before, and yet I was still late to both of them. Both times I highly considered not going. Believing I wasn’t worthy of the experience if I couldn’t capture all of it. Both times I was angry at myself for not doing everything just right so I could be there 15 min early, take my time, network, appear to be well put together, and absorb all of what I hoped to gain- having the perfect experience. I went anyway, kicking and screaming the whole way in my head.
“They’re going to be nearly done when you arrive.”
“People will shake their head in disappointment of your tardiness”
“No one will take you seriously as a business owner or as a person.”
The truth is, I didn’t know what people were thinking of me, and I wouldn’t have known had I been on time. I had to remember that this was important to me, despite it not turning out as planned. Who I am and how I show up once I get there is all that matters. No one knows what it’s like for me to wake-up and get myself together each day. No one sees my larger than life 2 year old jump around and hide from me to start the day off right or see me fixing us a hot and healthy breakfast, or me driving to a lovely daycare that is always the opposite direction from where I’m going. No one knows anyone’s situation and no one cares. The greatest takeaway from this truth is no one has any power over what opportunities come your way either. It’s up to you to make something out of everything- even the smallest of things.
Needless to say, I was happy I went to the events despite my tardiness. By the end I gained more than I thought I would. I wasn’t thinking about my lateness and neither was anyone else.
Take Your Time
I’m learning to slow down for a few reasons:
1. Rush a toddler if you want to and you’ll find yourself walking out the door with no pants on.
2. Always being in a hurry is not something I don't want to pass down.
3. The extra anxiety I put on myself is unnecessary and unhealthy to my productivity and self-esteem.
4. Slowing down always provides a much better outcome.
The Cost of Perfection
I could be running late but will easily fall onto the bed with IV tickling and laughing, eating his baby toes, and chirping along with the birds right outside the window. I love those moments. In those moments I’m reminded of how beautiful and simple life can be if you let it. Those moments can’t be planned or rushed through. They’re only captured taking your time.
I wonder how many of those I’ve missed with a stranger, a loved one, or even myself? I cringe at the thought.
The pressure to be a perfect person once you become a mother is enormous. You’re constantly attempting to prove that motherhood can’t hold you back or slow you down. When the truth is, it does slow you down and force you to take your time. It reminds you to experience life. Not as a goal-getter or a boss babe, but as the curious spirit you were at birth and still are right now. Society may put pressure on us for not thinking of everything, having everything, and being everything, but we also put it on ourselves.
Give Yourself Permission
Today I grant my own damn permission slip to be tardy. Tardy for having a balanced breakfast, me time with God himself, snuggles with my son, and driving within ten miles of the speed limit. I’m worthy of that. We all are.
I’m a mother, a business owner and more importantly, human. So I can’t be perfect, but I can be free.
Feel free,
Mel