The Decision for a Blank Slate

Every day I encourage people to feel free. Donate this, toss that. The look reflected back at me is always the same, as if I’m speaking a different language. I then go into the many reasons why they don’t need all this stuff. Sometimes I’m successful, sometimes I might as well be talking to a wall. Either way, when I leave they feel better, less stressed, less overwhelmed, and more relaxed, but I don’t. I may get rid of possessions daily, but I don’t feel free.

I feel pressure and expectations to get things done, make goals happen, bring happiness to those I love, and to wake-up and impress myself. I’ve shed a lot of material things, but I still feel constrained. Starting my business granted me freedom of time (the very thing I thought I needed to live fully). But then there were people telling me how to run a business, how to be a mother, how to love, how to be loved, and ultimately how to live. I never realized how much I haven’t chosen solely on my own. Being the self-driven and out-spoken individual, I am, this came as a shock. How much of a roll have others played on my life and the decisions I’ve made? How much of it is me and how much of it is the box I created around me?

As I get older, each day I take interest in things I would have never given a second thought before. Someone like me doesn’t do those things, wear, listen or buy those things. I’d like to believe I’m adventurous and open but it’s as long as it fits within the parameters of who I expect to be, who my parents raised me to be, who my friends are, and who society says I am.

"Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it."             -Joshua Becker

Your values are not only reflected in material possessions, but choices and commitments as well. Here I am thinking it’s the things holding people back (myself included) but it’s the choices tied to them that's creating the damage.

With only weeks away from my 28th birthday, I feel the strongest urge to reevaluate the life I’ve created. The choices I’ve made have gotten me here, yet some are keeping me here as well. Every day of September I’ll be letting go of choices, commitments, and of course things til September 19th. Feel free to join in for your own declutter voyage  or watch the journey unfold.  What better way to freedom than granting yourself a blank slate.

Feel free,

Mel 

Habit Tracking: the Perfect Motivator for Personal Change

Recently a book changed my life. Maybe not changed my life but changed how I see my life. “Change your perspective and everything changes,” they say.  I have five more days until the library takes Better than Before back, so I’ve been frantically reading it day and night. The book is about recognizing your habits, building the good ones, while eliminating the bad ones. I always thought that anyone could build habits as long as they schedule it and take action for 30 days than whalah, new habit in place. But it’s not that easy is it. Most of the habits I’ve built have been out of necessity or stem from when I was younger. I’ve always been reading a book since the moment I could read and still do to this day, good habit. I always need dessert after every meal and can spend hours inspecting every pore on my face after a shower, bad habit.

As I’ve gotten older and taken on new roles (mother, business owner) decreasing my bad habits have been easy, but building new ones have got the best of me. With every new skill or accomplishment, making it a part of your daily routine is the best way to master it. Yet, it doesn’t matter what I do, new habits won’t stick. No matter how motivated I am or how much I know it will be good for me, my old habits always win. That’s before I realized that we all establish habits differently and understanding yourself makes all the difference.

Better than Before, dives into how we are all hard wired by our tendencies. The four tendencies are: Upholder, Obligor, Questioner, and Rebel. Majority of people fit into the Obligor or Questioner tendency. I’m a Questioner all the way. I need to understand the reason for doing things and believe it to be for the greater good AND valid in order to follow thru. To find out which tendency rules you take the quiz (it’s pretty enlightening). This realization shed light on the fact that I’m a closer and more motivated by inner expectations than outer ones. A habit tracking chart seemed like the perfect solution to tackle my struggles.

It’s simple, low maintenance, and feeds that little person inside me that lights up when something gets done. More importantly, it allows me to track my habits. If there’s no measuring involved, assumption, intention and memory is all that’s left. Unfortunately, those things will always lean towards your favor even if it’s not true. The facts are allow you to know if change has really come.

I’m amped to see how the tracker helps improve my habits. I’m not looking for perfection. We all know none of that exists, but improvement is bliss. If you’re anything like me and tired of being stagnant, doing something different is the key. Take the quiz or dive into the book, either way, find what’s going to help you make lasting change. Will post an update soon on the results 😉.

*This post is not sponsored in any way.*

Feel free,

Mel

Mothers, Permission to be Tardy

The greatest commodity is time. Not money, talent or possessions, but time. I never truly realized how precious it was until I became a mother. A lot of my time was consumed with thinking about his needs, my responsibilities and everything in between. Suddenly I found myself using every minute of every day "attempting" to get things done.

All my life I’ve had a strange relationship with time. I knew it was important and shouldn’t be wasted, yet dreaded not having enough or using it properly. Growing up my father shaped this perception. It wasn’t acceptable to spend a second doing nothing or allow others to waste those seconds. So to this day, I rush through everything. As if faster is better, when honestly, it’s just exhausting.

I see my clients (mainly mothers) go through this as well. Lining things up perfectly so everything happens at the right time, in the right order. Frustrated and absolutely pissed when it doesn’t. Who do you think gets the blame? Themselves of course, for not seeing the obstacle coming. For not being able to predict the future, for not being magic, for not being perfect.

I find myself doing the same. Rushing through life trying to get everything in as it should be. Desperately reaching for the overarching goal- perfection. You know what I’m talking about. Having the perfect day, being the perfect person, having the perfect life. My mouth waters just typing it.

It's All Perfect Timing

This past week I wanted to go to two events. Both were extremely important to me. It got on my calendar, made arrangements for IV, and “prepped” the night before, and yet I was still late to both of them. Both times I highly considered not going. Believing I wasn’t worthy of the experience if I couldn’t capture all of it. Both times I was angry at myself for not doing everything just right so I could be there 15 min early, take my time, network, appear to be well put together, and absorb all of what I hoped to gain- having the perfect experience. I went anyway, kicking and screaming the whole way in my head.

“They’re going to be nearly done when you arrive.”

“People will shake their head in disappointment of your tardiness”

“No one will take you seriously as a business owner or as a person.”

The truth is, I didn’t know what people were thinking of me, and I wouldn’t have known had I been on time. I had to remember that this was important to me, despite it not turning out as planned. Who I am and how I show up once I get there is all that matters. No one knows what it’s like for me to wake-up and get myself together each day. No one sees my larger than life 2 year old jump around and hide from me to start the day off right or see me fixing us a hot and healthy breakfast, or me driving to a lovely daycare that is always the opposite direction from where I’m going. No one knows anyone’s situation and no one cares. The greatest takeaway from this truth is no one has any power over what opportunities come your way either. It’s up to you to make something out of everything- even the smallest of things.

Needless to say, I was happy I went to the events despite my tardiness. By the end I gained more than I thought I would. I wasn’t thinking about my lateness and neither was anyone else.

Take Your Time

I’m learning to slow down for a few reasons:

1. Rush a toddler if you want to and you’ll find yourself walking out the door with no pants on.

2. Always being in a hurry is not something I don't want to pass down.

3. The extra anxiety I put on myself is unnecessary and unhealthy to my productivity and self-esteem.

4. Slowing down always provides a much better outcome.

The Cost of Perfection

I could be running late but will easily fall onto the bed with IV tickling and laughing, eating his baby toes, and chirping along with the birds right outside the window. I love those moments. In those moments I’m reminded of how beautiful and simple life can be if you let it. Those moments can’t be planned or rushed through. They’re only captured taking your time.

I wonder how many of those I’ve missed with a stranger, a loved one, or even myself? I cringe at the thought.

The pressure to be a perfect person once you become a mother is enormous. You’re constantly attempting to prove that motherhood can’t hold you back or slow you down. When the truth is, it does slow you down and force you to take your time. It reminds you to experience life. Not as a goal-getter or a boss babe, but as the curious spirit you were at birth and still are right now. Society may put pressure on us for not thinking of everything, having everything, and being everything, but we also put it on ourselves.  

Give Yourself Permission

Today I grant my own damn permission slip to be tardy. Tardy for having a balanced breakfast, me time with God himself, snuggles with my son, and driving within ten miles of the speed limit. I’m worthy of that. We all are.

I’m a mother, a business owner and more importantly, human. So I can’t be perfect, but I can be free.

Feel free,

Mel