The Decision for a Blank Slate

Every day I encourage people to feel free. Donate this, toss that. The look reflected back at me is always the same, as if I’m speaking a different language. I then go into the many reasons why they don’t need all this stuff. Sometimes I’m successful, sometimes I might as well be talking to a wall. Either way, when I leave they feel better, less stressed, less overwhelmed, and more relaxed, but I don’t. I may get rid of possessions daily, but I don’t feel free.

I feel pressure and expectations to get things done, make goals happen, bring happiness to those I love, and to wake-up and impress myself. I’ve shed a lot of material things, but I still feel constrained. Starting my business granted me freedom of time (the very thing I thought I needed to live fully). But then there were people telling me how to run a business, how to be a mother, how to love, how to be loved, and ultimately how to live. I never realized how much I haven’t chosen solely on my own. Being the self-driven and out-spoken individual, I am, this came as a shock. How much of a roll have others played on my life and the decisions I’ve made? How much of it is me and how much of it is the box I created around me?

As I get older, each day I take interest in things I would have never given a second thought before. Someone like me doesn’t do those things, wear, listen or buy those things. I’d like to believe I’m adventurous and open but it’s as long as it fits within the parameters of who I expect to be, who my parents raised me to be, who my friends are, and who society says I am.

"Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it."             -Joshua Becker

Your values are not only reflected in material possessions, but choices and commitments as well. Here I am thinking it’s the things holding people back (myself included) but it’s the choices tied to them that's creating the damage.

With only weeks away from my 28th birthday, I feel the strongest urge to reevaluate the life I’ve created. The choices I’ve made have gotten me here, yet some are keeping me here as well. Every day of September I’ll be letting go of choices, commitments, and of course things til September 19th. Feel free to join in for your own declutter voyage  or watch the journey unfold.  What better way to freedom than granting yourself a blank slate.

Feel free,

Mel 

Life Without Your Phone. Could You Do It?

We all love our phone. That’s clear. We all have things in our phone that are important or feel important in some way. Our phone connects us to everything in our lives, no matter how big or how small. We are connected to all of it.

I’m currently in the process of getting rid of unnecessary things, things that I have that I don’t need. I’d like to say I’m adopting a more minimalist lifestyle. One day, my phone wouldn’t turn on. I didn't panic. Using a landline, I called customer service. I had to wait two whole days to get a new phone. Until then, no phone. My first thought was,

“How do I go a day without my phone?”

Obviously, I knew I could go without it. It’s just a phone. I don’t need a phone to survive. There’s been a time, I vaguely remember it, but there’s been a time when I’ve been phone-less.

In actuality,  most of my life I’ve had a phone. Since high school I believe, and to think I was behind most of my friends. Naturally, my phone is a part of my life. What I didn’t realize, was how much of my life it took up.

How Much Do We Need Our Phones

How many times do you grab at your phone to do something? Take a wild guess. The average individual checks their phone over 100 times a day. I had to grab at my phone to do everything. Even to share a funny moment, I wanted my phone to be there. The first day was rough. I won’t lie. I had to use my computer to find directions, was totally unaware of my schedule because it was all in my phone, and then there was the social aspect. All the people I’ve come used to seeing every day, (Instagram followers, Facebook friends, Snapchatters) were gone, just like that. Within an instant I was in a world by myself and those I physically interacted with.

The Result of No Phone

By the second day, I was glad it was gone. No distractions. No unnecessarily watching the lives of other people. No needing to know about what everyone was doing. Instead of being bored and going to my phone, I actually did things that I’ve been wanting to do. I had to. I HAD NO PHONE lol. I couldn’t just sit there. I found things to do. I could concentrate. I could be engaged whether I was by myself or around people.  I started to see the world around me again. It was refreshing and exhilarating.

The Role Phones Play

Once I got my phone back, it took four days for me to add a single app. I was nervous to get back into the rhythm of maintaining my online life, when it’s my real life that needs my attention most. For some reason, our phone seems to be more interesting than what’s going on around us. Leaving no room for the novelty that is meant to propel us in life from one day to the next. There’s no spare time to be content doing what you’re doing. Instead, we’re all seeking the next thrill, the next acknowledgment, the next hit. Our phones are like a drug now. Our dependency on it is real.

As a small business owner, it’s out of the question to not have an online presence, but it is in my control how I present myself and my business. To many, decreasing your online footprint sounds dumb especially for a brand. Yet, it's clear that the way we demonstrate who we are online is not sustainable long term nor is it rewarding for our life overall. When you look back over life will you really want to think about all the hours you spent on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Periscope?

“If you feel the need to go one way, even when everyone else is going the other way, do so, do so to make positive changes in your life and for this world. I guarantee you will never regret that decision”- Anonymous

Don’t take my word for it, try it yourself. Go days without your phone. You’ll be shocked at how much you start to see again.

If you’re interested in learning ways to minimize the phone usage in your life, subscribe to Feel Free TV. I’ll be posting tips on how to live with your phone without losing touch with reality :-).

Feel Free,

Me

Minimalism: A Rich Life Without Having to be Rich

It’s the day after Christmas, and I’m running to the mall. Not to buy anything, God no. I’m not a fan of nationwide sales. Especially the kind that tricks you into believing you’re saving so much money it’s necessary to abandon quality time with friends, family or even yourself, to buy more stuff you won’t use or wear. I was returning some gifts that were well-intended but not quite right for me. I was confident hardly anyone would be at the mall. It was raining, gloomy,  and it was the day after Christmas after all. Hadn't everyone spent all their savings the days prior? I was terribly wrong. It was packed. Packed to the max. Excuse the simple, predictability of my words, but that’s how it looked. Everyone standing in line with their Macy’s 25% off coupons confused by why they didn’t apply to the items they were purchasing.

“Because, this was the only way to get you into the store to spend more money than you actually intended, knowing you were never saving anything in the first place.” The clerk gently explained with a smile on her face.

People's Need for More

It amazes me that year after year, holiday after holiday, sale after sale, people have yet to catch onto the games that are being played by retail companies. It doesn’t matter how much stuff people have, for some reason they still believe they NEED, not want, but absolutely need more. “Oh I need a new coat. This room needs a bigger TV.  It's half-off!”

If you stopped to take a sneak peak in the households of each of these individuals ready to buy more, you will find someone irritated by how much stuff is everywhere and can never kind what they need. A mother who can’t get a moment to herself because every single weekend she’s doing loads of laundry and never-ending tidying up. A beautiful woman with enough clothes to open not one, but two boutiques tomorrow, yet she still can’t find anything worth wearing to dinner. You’ll find someone so overwhelmed with their disorganization but instead of doing anything about it, continue to live scattered day in and day out—going from one stressful peak to the next.

(Sigh...)

None of these people are lazy or refuse to change, they’re simply unaware of what to change or how to change. A lot of what we are all seeking from life is translated to the things we invest our money in. Whether it’s love, acceptance, notoriety, purpose, self- worth, it is seen in how we spend our income. As each generation emerges, it is clear money is being spent on the more shallow areas of life- appearance, trends, beauty, cars, clothes, and not on the deeper, more lasting areas- experiences, knowledge, relationships, the environment, world epidemics, personal and professional growth.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with spending money on how you appear to those around you. It’s important to feel confident and proud of the image portrayed  to the outside world. But the scale has tipped in that direction as if it is more important or solely important above all else. Above how we actually feel about ourselves and our lives, above the state of our relationships with those we love, above our actual reality.

And the reality is this:

People feel over-worked, under appreciated, unfulfilled, living for the weekends, and simply not at peace because there’s ALWAYS something that we should be doing in order to keep up in this race called life.

I felt nothing but pure joy to be around those I loved this Christmas. The ability to be present and embrace careless spontaneity. The simplicity in sharing a story or laughing endlessly at my niece being all or 6 but acting all of 16. The feeling of not needing to be anywhere else but here and now. The holidays are special that way. For a moment, they remind us to be satisfied with the simple things. But what if you didn’t need a holiday to feel like this. What if, enjoying the moment was possible on a daily basis. I’m not talking about living in a state of oblivion- walking around with rose colored glasses without a care in the world, but living in a state of reality, being surrounded by these moments instead of all these things.

Mutha..

Mutha Lover..

Winnie schooling IV on the art of teeth brushing.

How to Live More

How do you achieve that? How do you surround yourself with pure satisfaction instead of always seeking it in things, notifications, acknowledgements, achievements and THINGS? It's simple really, in theory. It's a little more difficult in practice-- for our time at least. 

Sometimes we have to let go of what's killing us, even if it's killing us to let go.

In order to make room for something new, we must remove what's getting in the way. I see a lot of people, myself included, seeking for a life less busy, less strenuous, less difficult to maintain. A life where we thrive instead of survive. A life that is rich, even without being rich.

After spending a year in and out of homes of people from all backgrounds and all income brackets, it is clear, without a doubt, that having more does not mean a happier life. Just maybe, we have it backwards. Maybe, having less means living more.

I decided it was time to get off this train  and walk a path that feels more natural to who we are as humans, before we were told what we are, how we should be, and what we should buy to feel more complete. Minimalism may not be for everyone, nothing ever is, but if the route you’re currently traveling doesn’t feel quite right, what’s the harm in going the other way? Join me on the path of discovering more life with less.

Feel free,

Mel