The Decision for a Blank Slate
Every day I encourage people to feel free. Donate this, toss that. The look reflected back at me is always the same, as if I’m speaking a different language. I then go into the many reasons why they don’t need all this stuff. Sometimes I’m successful, sometimes I might as well be talking to a wall. Either way, when I leave they feel better, less stressed, less overwhelmed, and more relaxed, but I don’t. I may get rid of possessions daily, but I don’t feel free.
I feel pressure and expectations to get things done, make goals happen, bring happiness to those I love, and to wake-up and impress myself. I’ve shed a lot of material things, but I still feel constrained. Starting my business granted me freedom of time (the very thing I thought I needed to live fully). But then there were people telling me how to run a business, how to be a mother, how to love, how to be loved, and ultimately how to live. I never realized how much I haven’t chosen solely on my own. Being the self-driven and out-spoken individual, I am, this came as a shock. How much of a roll have others played on my life and the decisions I’ve made? How much of it is me and how much of it is the box I created around me?
As I get older, each day I take interest in things I would have never given a second thought before. Someone like me doesn’t do those things, wear, listen or buy those things. I’d like to believe I’m adventurous and open but it’s as long as it fits within the parameters of who I expect to be, who my parents raised me to be, who my friends are, and who society says I am.
"Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it." -Joshua Becker
Your values are not only reflected in material possessions, but choices and commitments as well. Here I am thinking it’s the things holding people back (myself included) but it’s the choices tied to them that's creating the damage.
With only weeks away from my 28th birthday, I feel the strongest urge to reevaluate the life I’ve created. The choices I’ve made have gotten me here, yet some are keeping me here as well. Every day of September I’ll be letting go of choices, commitments, and of course things til September 19th. Feel free to join in for your own declutter voyage or watch the journey unfold. What better way to freedom than granting yourself a blank slate.
Feel free,
Mel
Get Family & Friends on Board with Your Life Changes
When you're in the midst of making a change in your life-- whether it's trying to improve yourself, build a business, create a lifestyle that's not surrounded by dysfunction, there will be people that will try to distract you from your goal. Mind you, they are not doing it intentionally. You're the one that's making the change. You're the one that's disrupting the flow by altering the dynamics of the relationship.
When you're in the midst of making a change in life-- whether it's trying to improve yourself, build a business, or create a lifestyle that's not surrounded by dysfunction, there will be people that will try to distract you from your goal. Mind you, they are not doing it intentionally. You're the one that's making the change. You're the one that's disrupting the flow by altering the dynamics of the relationship.
Your strive for change can cause tension and confusion with the ones you love. Making a change in your life is hard enough, there's no need to make it more difficult by crumbling close relationships.
Related Posts:Life is Easy. It's Living That's a Bitch.
If you're on the path to making a change in life and want those around you to be on board, here are a few things to keep in mind:
LEARN TO COMMUNICATE
If you're taking a break from alcohol but your friend is insisting you have a drink, don't get upset. Don't get defensive and insult her for not being able to have a good time without being intoxicated, all because you've decided to make that change in your life. Respect her views and let her know why you refuse to drink right now. Sometimes we want to keep positive changes a secret, because we fear we may not be able to succeed. If you don't tell anyone, and you fail, no one will ever know. Sharing your desire for change actually does the opposite. It holds you more accountable, and if you're sharing it with a loved one, they'll cheer you on.
BE PATIENT
You will have to remind others around you of what you're trying to do. Yes, it will get annoying. You think to yourself,
'I know we've had this conversation already yet they act brand new every single time'.
Put those manners your parents raised you on to work. Be polite and repeat yourself. It's not a crime to repeat yourself. I repeat, it is not a crime to repeat yourself.
BE CONSIDERATE
Your friends and family love you so very much and want to share their time and experiences with you. The time you're spending on changing is probably taking away from that. Put yourself in their shoes. Find ways to keep the peace without sacrificing your needs. This has been a great challenge for me as I designate time each day to work on my business. My boyfriend wants to watch a movie. Which sounds harmless, but he wants to do it with no phones, no iPads, and no laptops. (Basically no distractions) This can be pure torture when all I'm thinking about is the amount of work I can get done in this hour and a half. So we agree that I put a time stamp on what I need to do, and when times up, business gets put away and quality time begins. The beautiful thing about this arrangement is during the designated work period, I'm working with intention, motivation, and fluidity that produces a great outcome. When my time is up, I can relax and spend time doing other things that are equally important to my business(i.e simply watching a movie and eating ice cream with my boobie)
It's easy to get frustrated by the person who is impeding on your growth. How dare they not see what you're doing with your life. How dare they intrude with their wants and desires. How dare they want to spend time with you. (Humans are so self-involved lol)
Related Posts: What Do We Need To Feel Satisfied in Life?
Here's the thing, your growth is no one's responsibility but yours. If you want to grow, change, and become something more than what you are today, it is your responsibility to make that happen. It is also your responsibility to remind others of what you're doing and where you're going. It is also your duty to never forget how your life affects those that you love. It is easy to be selfish and only focus on your goals, needs, and desires. But if all you do is care about you, whenever you get to wherever you're going, you'll be standing there alone. Maybe physically or so far removed emotionally that even in a crowded room you are lonely.
Strive for harmony, a sweet rhythm that involves the notes in your life that are vital. It is not created by your sound alone but of the ones who are willingly playing around you.
Feel free, Mel
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When Something Happens You're Not Ready For
The other day something happened that I was not ready for. I couldn’t plan for it. There was no way I could've prepared for what I was about to experience. I’ve been breastfeeding my son now for 7 months. At this point I pump majority of the time and nurse at least once per day. One night I went to nurse IV before bed like I usually do, and he denied me...
The other day something happened that I was not ready for. I couldn’t plan for it. There was no way I could've prepared for what I was about to experience. I’ve been breastfeeding my son now for 7 months. At this point I pump majority of the time and nurse at least once per day. One night I went to nurse IV before bed like I usually do, and he denied me.
When I say he denied me, I mean he completely refused my nipple.
I knew he was hungry, but it was clear he didn’t want milk from that source. To entice him, I even squeezed out a little milk on his mouth, but he wasn’t having it. He wanted the bottle, and there was nothing I could do to sway his mind. So I gave in. I made him a bottle, and he gladly grabbed it from me. A few minutes later, he laid in my arms completely full and sound asleep.
I sat there confused, not really knowing what to do next. IV’s new found declaration had caught me off guard. See, we have a system. I change him, nurse him, then rock him to sleep. He was messing that system up. I enjoyed nursing my booger before bed. Not only was it bonding time for us, it was also one less pumping session for me. But in a blink of an eye, he was on to something new. Our system had changed and I had to adapt.
This moment reminded me of how change is inevitable and it will hit you whether you’re ready or not. You can resist it try to holding onto the same routine, the same situation, the same mundaneness or you can acknowledge the change, shift gears, readjust, and evolve.
Related Post:The 1 Reminder Every Mom Needs
When it comes to building a business or building a brand, situations will happen that can throw you off your game. You could lose (or even better)break your jump drive with all your material on it, a fight with your boyfriend can turn your mood upside down and hinder your motivation to work, you can plan to be a feature for an event but find out last minute you are now the headliner. (These are just examples. None of these things have ever happened to me -__-). All these things can be frustrating because now you must disregard how you feel and do what you need to do. Because your business, your brand, does not care about your feelings, how thrown off you are or unprepared you are . Your creativity, your vision, your dream is selfish and just wants to be shared by any means necessary.
You must dry those tears, muster up some courage and put your big girl pants on, because entrepreneurship is not for the weak. It is not for the easily flustered. It is not for the ones who can’t take a hit. Entrepreneurship is for those who can stand tall when they’re scared. It’s for those who can laugh when they’re mad. It’s for those who can see a roadblock and find another way.
When change happens it is easy to wallow about how unfair it is and how it’s messing up your plans and ultimately ruining your life. It’s so easy to choose defeat. But once you choose defeat, your choice for success is out the window. You have now chosen a new path and that path keeps you exactly where you are.
Related Posts: Practice Patience but Never Stop Doing
If you have chosen entrepreneurship as your career path that means you have made a decision to find your version of success. What you will come to find out is this question will be asked of you time and time again:
Are you sure you want to do this?
Every time things don’t go as planned, every time you’re caught off guard, every time something happens you’re not ready for, you will have to decide, “Are you in or are you out?”
Time and time again you’ll say yes, grudgingly maybe, but your heart will say yes.
There’s no denying what the heart wants.
To all my entrepreneurs who are building a brand, building a business, building a lifestyle, I encourage you to embrace unexpected circumstances. Refuse the urge to fight it, pity yourself, or wait for things to go back to how they were. Because this is the path you’ve chosen, and it didn’t promise you routine, predictability or perfection. It can only ensure growth, novelty, and adventure. Luckily we need all those things.
Feel Free,
Mel