WHEN DOES TOO ORGANIZED BECOME TOO STRESSFUL?
Making my environment as predictable and pleasing as possible is rewarding for me but may not be for everyone.
When does organization backfire? When it gets in the way of enjoying life.
I've had a mixed bag of responses when it comes to my place.
Welcoming.
Relaxed.
Anxious.
It depends on the individual.
If anything is out of place it's noticeable.
When does organization backfire?
When does too organized become too stressful?
Spontaneity is part of life.
The fact we truly don't know what the future holds is TERRIFYING.
We wake up and live through each day not knowing what will happen, only what we think will happen.
There are few things I can control.
Although this is not what I was taught.
I was taught to pay attention to how others respond before I looked at how I felt.
Looking at what I'm feeling, thinking and acting (the only things in my control) is what I look at second.
I'm in the season of switching this habit.
PAYING ATTENTION to what I feel about what happens.
REVIEWING what I do each day.
LISTENING to what I tell myself.
These things give me more peace than anticipating the needs of others, trying to control the outcome.
I must say it's easier to assume how others feel.
Assuming also creates illusions about life.
Authentic experiences with the world requires engaging with the world.
My mind.
How I respond to experiences.
How I care for my body.
My environment.
These things are in my control.
(to an extent)
What I have access to is what is available at my disposal.
Making my environment as predictable and pleasing as possible is rewarding for me but may not be for everyone.
I don't like rollercoasters. My friend asked me "but you don't mind if other people do?"
I do not.
That can and may be true for all things.
What I despise, may excite someone else.
What touches me deeply, may have little impact on another.
Each of us respond uniquely to the world.
When does organization backfire?
When it gets in the way of enjoying life.
Your organized life can be to the extent that fits you.
A chair of clothes, papers scattered, shoes accumulating, a basement full of possessions from your past selves is all part of life.
Everything is not meant to look beautiful and simple all the time.
When it feels stressful take a look at what is calling your attention.
Life is always calling.
We are always playing.
feel free.
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Can Being More Organized Give Me a Balanced Life?
Being organized does not give you the kind of balance you see in movies or these new age yoga enthusiasts having. The kind of balance I'm talking about is the kind that allows you to not be easily frustrated when something unexpected comes up. The kind where your child spills something and you don't get outraged by how their curious, tiny hands could cause such a mess. The kind that allows you to feel at ease while you simply do one thing, and not stress over a million others.
The simple answer? YES. (Closes blog post, back to Facebook feed or Instagram feed or Snapchat feed- I love me some Snapchat @feelfreeclub.)
For those of you who want to learn how being more organized can give you a balanced life and identify the areas you're living low , continue reading...
Being organized does not give you the kind of balance you see in movies or these new age yoga enthusiasts having. The kind of balance I'm talking about is the kind that allows you to not be easily frustrated when something unexpected comes up. The kind where your child spills something and you don't get outraged by how their curious, tiny hands could cause such a mess. The kind that allows you to feel at ease while you simply do one thing, and not stress over a million others. That kind of balance is necessary in our ever changing lives. There's no room for frigidness or perfection. Life is messy, nerve wrecking, ever changing and tricky at times. It's about how you manage all life has to offer. And don't expect it to ever run out of offerings.
how ORGANIZATION CREATES FREEDOM
"What you have control over you feel better about."
When areas of your life are organized that means you have a handle on it. You control it. You have a good idea of how that area effects you. This practice allows you freedom. Continuously avoiding areas you fear are too overwhelming to address is doing more harm than good. Ultimately it will need to be acknowledged. You can either be forced due to life circumstances or done willingly with you in the driver's seat.
Being self-employed, I spend a lot of time at home. There were days I found myself doing A WHOLE LOT of nothing. I would do things but none of which I needed to do. I had to make myself a weekly schedule detailing what I do each day between each hour. I'm flexible of course, but my schedule allows me to be. It creates way more structure in my day and that allows me to make time for family and friends, catch an event, or more importantly a nap. (This also made me realize I have a lot more time on my hands than I thought, and I wasn't using it wisely.)
Being organized is about having a say on how you spend your time and the things that affect you on a regular basis. What areas in your life do you feel are out of control?
Out of frustration, I quickly scribbled this schedule one morning. Since then, I've digitized it :-)
It's my mission ( is mission too much?) it's my hope to share tips and resources with you that will help you achieve the kind of life where overwhelm, high anxiety and stress is not your bestie. Where motherhood doesn't consume every waking moment of your time and energy. Because before we were mothers, we were women. Women with hopes, dreams and aspirations far beyond raising a family. This woman still exists and deserves to be nurtured. This new mother role also deserves to be developed. You can wing a lot of things when there's only you to worry about. But there's no winging lunch time for your toddler (unless your child loves squeeze pouches which is every mom's saving grace). Motherhood is surprisingly fun with episodes of disasters in between. Being organized allows you to enjoy the surprises and make it through the disasters that much better.
DETERMINE WHAT BALANCE IS FOR YOU
The first step to creating more balance is to determine what balance looks like for you and you alone.
How would you like to spend your time?
What kind of environment would you like to live in?
What would you like to say you've done this month, this year?
Asking yourself these questions will force you to acknowledge what is important to you and encourage you to seek it out. When an opportunity presents itself to increase balance in your your life, it will be difficult to pass it up. Explore how you're currently spending your time. Are you pleased with it? Look up. What do you like about your home? And your home is where you live, whether that's a house, an apartment, or a bedroom at your parents. Acknowledge what you like and what you would like to change, then do something about it. What would make this month great? Write it down. See how each week you can make that thing possible. As long as the things that are important to you are part of your life on a regular bases, unexpected occurrences sting less. Life has shifted to where your time, space, and accomplishments are aligned. Life is filled with the things that matter to you most. And that's beautiful balance.
THERE NO SUCH THING AS LOVING EACH CHILD EQUALLY
I always jokingly mention how I will probably love IV more than the rest of my future children. Of course this is probably not true (probably) but it's hard to imagine loving something or someone else as much... until you do.
Everything doesn't need the same amount of attention or time. My mother always says she loves my sister and I equally but differently. Determining which areas of your life needs organizing is crucial. There will be some areas that are more organized than others and that's because you interact differently with separate areas of your life. We all do. If you'd like to identify those areas and make alterations to managing it better check out "Organize Where You're Living Low"
We can't improve what we aren't aware of ;-). I address how to organize many common areas people are living low on Feel Free TV. Subscribe now if you'd like some help along your journey to more balance. Until next time...
Feel Free,
Mel
How I Let Reaching a Goal Take Over My Life
When I had my son IV, I decided I would breastfeed him until he was old enough to drink regular milk. I figured it would be 4 months..6 months tops. On our first visit to the pediatrician, to my surprise it was much longer than that. Children aren't allowed to drink cow's milk until their first birthday. I was floored..
When I had my son IV, I decided I would breastfeed him until he was old enough to drink regular milk. I figured it would be 4 months..6 months tops. On our first visit to the pediatrician, to my surprise it was much longer than that. Children aren't allowed to drink cow's milk until their first birthday. I was floored, but I was also committed. I was committed to providing IV with all the nutrients he needs to have the best health possible, and breastfeeding would accomplish that.
My Purpose: A healthy baby.
My Goal: Breastfeed my baby for his first year of life.
USE ALL YOUR RESOURCES TO REACH YOUR GOAL
At 3 months I was doing great. At 6 Months I was struggling with my supply. Between 6 and 9 months I tried all the tips to increase my milk supply: fernugreek, blessed thistle, multiple lactation teas, ginger, oatmeal, eating more, drinking more, basil oil, power pumping. I did it all. But as soon as my supply would increase, it would decrease with one missed pump. It was so finicky. It drove me nuts.
I was slowly losing my mind but didn't want to admit it.
Sometimes you need more than what's in your backpocket to reach your goal. Take advantage of all that's available to you.
WHEN YOUR GOAL STARTS TO FEEL OUT OF REACH
At 9 months I knew that making it to 12 months would be a miracle. With the stress of work, the busyness of the holidays, preparing for my business, I started to lose it.
I was pumping my life away.
I would be late going places because I needed to stop home first to pump. I was getting little to no sleep because no matter how late it was, the last thing I needed to do before bed was pump, and the first thing I had to do before work was pump. I was drained and it showed. I knew that if something didn't give soon I was going to lose it.
The circumstances of life can get in the way towards reaching your goal. No matter how much effort you put towards something, sometimes it doesn't pan out the way you hope. Don't be afraid to adjust your goal, seek new paths.
WHEN YOU LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR PURPOSE
Reluctantly, I started looking up organic formulas and found one I really liked but couldn't bring myself to order it. I told friends and family about it as if I was waiting for them to ask why or maybe I needed convincing. Surprisingly, everyone understood even without the drawn out explanation. Even IV's father's response was simply, "Okay." No one was making a big deal about it other than me. Why?
One word: failure. I felt like a complete failure for not making it to 12 months.
I completely disregarded the fact that he's been having breast milk for the past 10 months and he's now as round as a rollypolly. I disregarded the factthat in order for me to be the best mom that I can be, I needed to be well rested, full of energy, stress-free and pumping was hindering that. I ignored that fact that I went through not one but two breast pumps. The second one broke on me and it now takes me double the time to pump, because I can only pump one breast at a time. I disregarded the fact I was doing the best I could.
You are the only one who truly knows if you've done your best, and usually when you have, those around you can tell. When we are committed to something we often feel that if we change courses or our minds, we have done something wrong in some way. When the truth is, life is forever changing. It's important to change along with it in order to enjoy it as much as you can. There's nothing wrong with making adjustments. You can only fight the tide for so long until it consumes you. Lettinggo of pride and stubborness is part of this process. Give yourself permission to allow your needs and wants to change.
“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”
BE FLEXIBLE IN ORDER TO REACH YOUR GOAL
All that mattered to me was my child being fully breastfed for the first year of life. That's it, nothing more nothing less. And when the road got tough, I was willing to sacrafice any and everything-- even my mental health in order to reach my goal. At this point, the goal was greater than the purpose.
When you have a goal it is imperative to completey understand your purpose. Your purpose will not only motivate you when times get hard, it will inform you of when you've reached your goal. The moment your purpose is forgotten, your ambission is now in the driver seat. And your ambission doesn't care about friends, family, health, or having a good time. All it cares about is getting to the goal by any means necessary. I forgot my purpose was to have a healthy baby, because I was so fixated on breastfeeding for 12 months. Not only is my child healthy, the formula I chose would also provide him the nurishment he needs to thrive. I allowed my purpose to take a backseat, while my ambission drove me crazy.
Don't allow your dreams and goals to hold you hostage. The further you go down a path the clearer you become about what it is you need. Things will come up that you had no way of knowing before. Be patient with yourself, you may be surprised that the new goal in mind was greater than the first.
Feel Free,
Mel