Stop falling in love with the fantasy

A lot has been going through my mind lately. My professional life is important to me, but my life as a whole is of greater importance. I was listening to the author of 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene. In his speech he explains in order to transform yourself, you need to not listen to what other people are saying, ignore what others are doing. And quit fixating on the outcomes, rewards, and fantasies of the accomplishments of others. Simply because what you see is a fantasy. Imagine, instead of seeing someone’s picture after they  lost 30 lbs, you would see how often they went to the gym, the inner thought process as they decided to eat healthy food over junk, nights where they meal prepped for the next couple of days. Instead of seeing someone’s book turn into a #1 Ny Times best seller, you would see the rejection letters from publishers, all the unfinished novels they’ve started but never completed, each event they went to read their work trying to promote their book. Instead of falling in love with the fantasy of an amazing career, the perfect relationship, or an exquisite figure, what if we saw the day-to-day ins and outs (the not so glamorous things).

What if you paid attention to the small things that elevate you?

We should appreciate each and every one of those moments that take us closer to where we want to be. Because after a certain amount of small (ever so gradual) changes that is when things will begin to come together. Your dream will come full circle and you won’t even know how.

The internet has changed the way we reflect and interpret events in the lives of others. There wasn’t social media to display everyone’s seemingly instant happiness or success. The generation before was not fed information at every turn to make them feel as if  they weren’t good enough, didn’t have enough, or not doing enough. The perception of success is now distorted. I want to help change this perception. I want to show the ins and outs of hard work instead of only seeing the outcome. I’ve always believed a dose of reality is the best teacher. As I take this journey in creating a career I love for myself, I hope to inspire others to get out of fantasy land and step into their life like never before.

*I recently moved so I have little to no furniture. I don't like to do work in my bed, because I always get sleepy. So this is me on the floor as I write this blog. This desk finally arrived this week but still needs to be assembled. Weekend project*

Feel Free.

You Can't Pay Someone to do Your Push-ups for You

I remember as a cheerleader I badly wanted to learn how to do a back-flip. A standing backhand-spring had to be one of the coolest moves done by a cheerleader. I watched girl after girl land their gorgeous flip. I tried to absorb their technique and replicate the next move in my head, but I never physically did it. Although they were on my team and made all of us look good as a whole, I personally couldn’t be proud because I couldn’t do one myself. As they put in the work, practiced, took tumbling classes, I watched, admired, and fantasized others for doing what I was too scared to do myself. Some things in our lives can be achieved with the assistance of others. You want your house cleaned? No problem, pay a cleaning service. You want a haircut? Easy, pay a stylist. But there are other achievements, more permanent, that cannot be accomplished by an outside party. If you want to learn a new skill, you cannot pay anyone to learn it for you. If you want a healthier physique, you cannot pay anyone to eat fruits and vegetables for you. If you want a better relationship, you cannot pay anyone to be more considerate, passionate, understanding or patient. If you want to work in a field you love, you cannot pay anyone to do the leg work for you.

The most important things we acquire in this world must be obtained through personal will and effort. That self-satisfaction is what takes us to our next success, next goal, next opportunity. No one else can want it for you or do it for you.

No one lucks up on success.

The blood, sweat, diligence, research, planning, consistency (THE WORK) MUST COME FROM YOU.

It is funny how people hire a fitness trainer and believe their unhealthy days are behind them. They are convinced that hiring a physical trainer is all that is required to obtain the health and body they desire. A fitness trainer (or trainer of any kind) provides the tools, information and accountability that is needed to acquire one’s goal. But it is YOU who chooses when and how to use them.

I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent learning about human psychology or how many self-building skills I’ve taught working in community counseling. What I’ve come to realize is it does not matter how much information a person absorbs. What matters is the application of the information. What matters is the new actions made as a result of new insights.

Action is the part of success and achievement you cannot pay anyone to do. It is the piece to the puzzle that completes the picture. What good would money be if you weren’t able to buy anything with it.

As we all enter 2015, take time to think about all the knowledge you’ve acquired though your struggles, your successes, your bad and your good days. How do you plan to cash your knowledge in?

Feel Free.

What Can Happen in a Year

If someone would have told me a year ago I would still be working for my meaningless corporate job, living with my boyfriend, and about to start a family, I simply would have laughed in their face. A year ago I was planning my exit strategy out of a job I can’t stand and into a fulfilling coaching career. A year ago I was going to parties nearly every weekend and refused to stay at home. A year ago I was going on multiple dates and enjoying every ounce of my sexy single lifestyle. A year ago I was living with my parents saving leftover shopping money to buy a house. A year ago I was not the person I see in the mirror today.

A lot of unexpected situations can happen within a year. As time progresses we don’t even realize how much things simply are not the same. It is not until you sit back and look at what you have been through, where you have gone, and how you have grown that you can see a clear picture of who you are today. Life is for the living and yet we can become so afraid to live it fully. We desperately try to stay the same. We force ourselves not to venture too far from home. We would rather stay who we are, just better looking, with a sexier car, a finer mate, and a cooler job.

What sounds so obvious, but often forgotten, is for the exterior circumstances to change it has to start with inner change. The big changes and opportunities we desire cannot come before we make grand changes within. The changes within are the most difficult. They are usually unexpected or less desirable than we would like. It is challenging, yes, but mostly it is downright uncomfortable.

Reprogramming yourself will encounter many errors before it is successful.

5 months ago I was diagnosed with Pregnancy. I mean, 5 months ago I found out I was pregnant, but if you were to see me then you would have thought I was actually diagnosed with a disease. I was so afraid of what this meant for my life and my future. I couldn’t see three or six months down the line. All I could see was who I was prior to that moment- a young, ambitious, single female with nothing but opportunities in front of me.

I look back now and I’m grateful for what has happened to me this year. To be honest I am amazed at the person I see today because this version of me did not exist months ago. If you’re lucky, a lot of crazy things happened to you this year and brought you to this very moment. Those moments prepared you for opportunities that are coming your way. This is the time to look back on all the fortunate, unexpected, unplanned, exciting, pleasurable, upsetting moments and smile. Smile because you’re still living, you’re still growing, you’re still discovering what is true for you.

The next big opportunity is right around the corner. 2015 is filled with could be’s and will be’s. There is not one goal out there you can’t reach. There is not one obstacle you can’t tackle. There is not one opportunity you can’t take advantage of. Be ready for change.

Be open to the unknown because it will surely come.