Why do We Procrastinate?

I was way more organized when I went into the office each day. I was way more motivated when adversity was looking me in the face. I was way more excited about my freedom when I felt it was threatened. Now, things aren’t so tough, and honestly, I am less likely to do things to move forward. What is that about? Is it because my back is not up against the wall? Is it the same kind of game we play when we know we must get something done but we wait until the very last day to do it? What is this procrastination phenomena we live in? What is it that motivates us to take real action? What has to be at risk for us to take things seriously? I meet with a life coach once a week and it’s not until 2 days before we are scheduled to meet again that I actually start working on my goals. I’ve had ample time to get everything done but I chose not to take advantage of it. Now, one can argue that as long as it’s done then that is all that truly matters. Yes that is the case in some instances. As long as you register your car before your birthday there is no penalty, even if it is the day before. As long as you do laundry before you are out of panties there’s no harm done. But when does using this tactic fail you. How about preparing for a final. Instead of taking a few days each week to thoroughly engage yourself in the material, you wait two days before to learn 4 months’ worth of knowledge. What about hosting a party. Instead of having music, food, venue, and invitations squared away 2 weeks before the big day, you wait until the week of to work out details.

I interviewed a psychotherapist and she told me the one thing she has learned the most about following a field based on passion and stepping into the world of entrepreneurship was the ART of DISCIPLINE. She had NO IDEA the amount of discipline it would take to be successful. There were days, weeks even, when she made very little progress if any at all.  I relate to this all too well, as does anyone who has ever not been in the mood to do something even though they knew they should.

According to an article published by Oregon State University, there are 6 reasons why we procrastinate:

1. Skill Deficit- When we lack the skills to complete a specific task, it is only natural to avoid it instead of facing the challenge.

How to overcome: Find what part of the skill is causing you a problem and tackle it. If you don’t know the skill at all, put it on your list of things to learn and start growing your skill set.

2. Lack of Interest- Some things are just plain boring but it does not make it less important.

How to overcome: Attach your uneventful task to something you already do. This allows you to make a habit of doing a mundane yet necessary activity (like brushing your teeth or taking your vitamin).

3. Lack of Motivation- It is common for us to feel that if we are “not in the mood” to do something, then it should not get done until we are.

How to overcome: What people misunderstand is that starting the task is actually the real motivator. Many couples that are on a drought and blame it on not being in the mood actually find that once they start having sex, despite their initial feelings, are glad they did. Motivation comes once the task has begun.

4. Fear of failure- It is a scary thought to believe that after we put our hopes and dreams on the line and give it all we’ve got, there is still a possibility things can blow-up in our face. It is much safer to continue what we are doing or have done in the past, because at least it’s clear we can’t fail at that.

How to overcome: Throw perfectionism and society’s standards out the window. You will never be perfect and your life will never look like a cool hip-hop video- ACCEPT THAT & EMBRACE THAT. Now allow you and the life you live to develop into something even better.

5. Fear of Success- Once you do one great thing, that thought “What’s next?!” plays in the background. It is easy to get wrapped up in topping your latest and greatest. We all do it. Your next boyfriend is going to be finer, flyer and surpass whats-his-name with flying colors.

How to overcome: But if you are always looking for the next best thing or fear you may never reach it, it stifles you from being present and open to all that surrounds you. The present is what sparks authenticity and creativity. It is in those moments the next best thing will find you.

6. Rebellion and Resistance- When certain tasks or circumstances are imposed on us by others, sometimes it is difficult to get on that “do-good” train and get it done, simply because it was impressed by someone that was not you!

How to overcome: Keep in mind that whomever you are resisting actually has more power over you at the time. Your rebellious attitude is a reaction of someone else which keeps them in the driver seat, not you. Take back control. Determine what you want and do just that.

There are a lot of reasons why we procrastinate but there are just as many reasons not to. Your life will happen whether you are in the driver seat or relaxing in the back. It’s all on you.

Why is it hard listening to your heart?

Everyone tells you this so many times throughout life. There is always something or someone reminding you to listen to that voice within--- as if you have all the answers to your questions and dilemmas right inside, if only you paid attention to it. If we know this, why do we still get lost on what’s the right thing to do? Why do we need to seek counsel from friends, family, trusted advisors on how to make the right decisions for our lives? Is it the fear of it not working out the way we expect, that causes us to hesitate? Is it the unwanted consequences we know are soon to come if we choose to follow our heart? Is it the reactions from others that we will have to bare once the decision is made? Is it the fear that if we listen to what is inside, we won’t actually get what we want? At one point or another, it’s all of these things and more. The fear of messing up something that’s okay or good but doesn’t feel quite right, haunts us. Not knowing what the future holds, frightens us. Believing we can’t have what we truly want, discourages us. For example, how do you know real love truly exists if you’ve never experienced it? You have heard it in songs, seen it in movies and nearly touched it in books, but you’ve never felt it. You’ve never even seen anyone else feel this thing called love. Lust, yes but love, never up close. You know love exists because you believe that it does. Ultimately, that alone is enough to hold onto the idea that true love is out there for you. This is the same kind of thinking that has people longing for a career doing something they love. Unfortunately, that is where most of our hopes and dreams stay-- in our thoughts, in our daydreams, in our mind, but not in our reality. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but it is true. Majority of people take the most convenient route instead of the truest.

Majority of people accept whatever kind of job they can get instead of invest in their talents.

Majority of people find someone who looks good on paper, instead of waiting for someone who makes their heart sing.  Majority of people find it hard listening to their heart but desire to hear it just as much.

There is no formula or remedy to following your heart. As I said in the beginning, we all have the answers that lead us to our truest desires. The only question is are we willing to do it?

Do You Have What It Takes?

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES? This is a real question we all must square-up in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Do I have what it takes?” The qualities, the skills, the insight, the determination, the unshakable will, the mindset, the confidence, the energy, the time, the commitment, is it all there? Is it all inside ready to be used each day as you move forward towards your hopes and dreams for a better you, a better life. Or is it all just a hoax waiting to reveal itself?

No one can answer this question but the person within. But l ooking within is hard, harder than it should be at times of uncertainty. Looking within takes more vulnerability than you can afford. It exposes parts of you that you aren’t ready to discuss, parts you would rather not deal with. Yet, it’s in these moments we find what we are capable of. We find the depth of our desire, the strength behind the pain, and the confidence beneath our worries. It’s in these times where we find the truth.

Something happened to me a little over three months ago that really threw my life off course. I got pregnant. This pregnancy wasn’t planned and there were “systems” in place to avoid such a surprise. But as we all know, nothing is 100% other than abstinence. Soooo low and behold I am now on track to motherhood. During these three months, I struggled with my journey as an entrepreneur. I questioned the life I wanted and whether or not I could have it. I debated whether or not I even had the capabilities to achieve my goals. I questioned whether I have what it takes. From this moment on, my life is going to be different than I planned. I had to address a few things about myself: this pity party I threw myself every day just for the heck of it, the mental cage I was held hostage in each time I thought about working towards my goals. I had to address some practical issues as well. For instance, I can no longer sleep late. I must start my day early with a nutritious breakfast or I’ll feel horrible the rest of the day. I must do everything in my power to stay stress-free and peaceful or I’ll end up with migraines that prohibits me from moving. These are issues I’ve had before but now my body has a unique way of reminding me.

I had to realize that through this challenge I am getting better, stronger. We all do, once we decide to grow through our challenges instead of avoid them. Unexpected challenges and obstacles may appear to derail you but with a closer look it’s there to develop you, enhance you, and simply determine If You Have What It Takes.