Every situation can be a miracle or a disater

It’s not until you accept a situation you are able to deal with it. The things we resist will find its way to haunt our souls through every doorway, with every word we speak, in every thought we think, and in each opportunity we face. Resisting our reality does nothing but delay the inevitable and suspends us in a state of denial. There’s an enormous amount of power in how we perceive a situation. Any and every situation can be a miracle or a disaster. The choice is simply ours to decide. There was a serious change in my life recently that I refused to fully deal with. I was walking around making side comments about it, acting as if I was just given a death sentence, pretending as if this challenge was something I would never overcome.  Although this change had been part of my life for the past three months, it was clear with my attitude, my actions, and my thoughts had not accepted this new truth. As a good friend of mine says, “You must embrace the suckiness.” It is easier said than done, but no less true. I had to allow myself to fully embrace all of it, the good and bad. Allow it in my heart and begin to feel again.

We have to remember we aren’t the first ones to go through such obstacles, and we won’t be the last. There’s no reason to lose yourself within change. Instead reinvent yourself. Redefine what is important to you. Learn new ways to do and see things. It’s up to each of us to make that choice for ourselves. The longer you grapple with the what-ifs, the longer you delay feelings of success, moments of fulfillment and satisfaction. In the bleakest of days, these moments can still be found. We live the reality of where our mind takes us. It is no gimmick or illusion, it is simply responding to our requests. Ask to see the brighter side of things and your mind will follow.

What Do We Need to Feel Satisfied in Life?

What is it that we need so much of? Is it undying attention that never withers and refuses to fade? Is it deep understanding that makes us feel transparent and free to express our truest thoughts? Is it a connection with another person that finally has us no longer needing to explain ourselves? Is it a career that we don’t complain about and are eager to get to each day; instead of counting the hours, time seems to just get away from you. Is it a bank account that doesn't need to be checked after one too many swipes? Is it a family that resembles the modern day Brady Brunch: both parents have six-figure jobs, there aren’t deep-rooted issues between siblings, everyone is fully independent and doesn’t need to rely on one another for financial support. What is it that we need to feel satisfied with our lives? What is it that we need to make us feel good about where we are even if it falls short is different than where we thought we would be?  Although we know deep down that things could be worse, we still have the tendency to feel as if our life doesn’t measure up. There are so many things that could be better. There are so many wants that don’t feel within arm’s reach. What we tend to forget is, it’s not that actual thing or circumstance that give us pure pleasure, it’s the quest. It’s the discovery and unveiling of parts of you that bring about this satisfaction that we all long to grab and hold onto. It’s the changes we make, the pieces of us that grow. It’s the embrace of the qualities and talents we’ve suppressed for longer than we can remember. It’s wonderful to think about when you finally reach the finish line: finish that mixtape, complete that book, get that diploma, meet your soul mate, have a great relationship with your dad, have that ultimate career. It’s those thoughts that are there to urge us to make our way towards those things--to take one step further to getting the things we desire. If we were to get what we wanted by the end of today, it would mean absolutely nothing by the end of the week. The journey to obtain these wants is what gives us that sweet satisfaction we all need.

Patterns will make or break you

It’s the patterns in our lives that end up making or breaking us. It’s always wanting to hit the bar on a Friday night when the one you want isn’t acting right. It’s always waiting until the last-minute to submit important forms when you’ve had weeks to do it. It’s staying up past midnight because you are a “night owl” even though you need to be up the next morning at the crack of dawn. It’s always resorting to “cutting off” a friend when you’re not meeting eye-to-eye but knowing deep down the two of you will be cool in two weeks or so. It’s these patterns that shift our lives in dramatic directions. But if you look close enough, our behavior can be rather predictable. For instance, I’m currently trying to incorporate different things into my life. If you didn’t catch my 25 things before 25, go check it out. So within my regular routine I’m trying to shake things up a bit. So what happens, the first couple of days are good, momentum is flowing, optimism and positivity is at an all-time high. After about a week I’m dealing with a lack of sleep, family situations come up and my regular routine chumps whatever newness I try to put in place. Even though this is not what I want, my mind and body is telling me this is what I need.

Subconsciously, we will follow the pattern of least resistance in any given situation. Think about it. You are trying to eat clean for a week but on your way home from work the only place you will pass is Zaxby’s. Do you choose the salad or chicken finger plate? The truth is, your mind has worked so hard in developing this pattern that even though you may not like it or want it anymore it’s what makes you feel at ease in that moment. Chicken plate it is, Zax sauce and honey mustard please. This is when you honestly ask yourself: what am I really up to? What am I trying to do here? Patterns are there to teach us lessons about ourselves—to reveal something that we already know but won’t dare admit. Sometimes we are quick to tell ourselves: Once I’m with someone different I will no longer react like “this” or once I have a job I like I’ll be a better worker. What we don’t realize is we are our patterns, not the situations around us.

Although breaking old patterns and creating new ones sound difficult, it can be done. According to counselors, the best way is to start small. Make a list of the patterns you would like to change. Beside each pattern write what pattern you would like instead. Start working on only one. Once you are able to choose your desired option over your old one, you are in the clear to move on to the next pattern.

One thing to remember: Stop trying to be perfect and stop trying to make everyone else around you perfect. It is a battle you will never win. Be comfortable with your flaws and all. Look at them as unique tidbits that only you possess. There’s nothing wrong with trying to be better. There’s nothing crazy about wanting more out of yourself. Life is meant for the living and living is unpredictable and sometimes so can your reactions to things. Your patterns are nothing to fret over or begin a ridiculous staring contest with, but if they are causing dysfunction in your life or repeatedly giving outcomes that are less flattering than you wish, then making a change in the direction of what you truly desire is nothing more than freedom.

**If you caught my last post, here is a glimpse of what I’ve been able to knock off thus far…..

1. Going somewhere I haven't been: Chicago

2. Dyeing my hair

3. Make my business cards

4. Start paying off my student loans

5. Visit the Goat Farm Art Center in Atlanta

6. Try a food I never have before

7. Talk to an old friend

8. Learn to type without looking