3 Things to Eliminate to Find Your Happiness
Jamaica, to say there are no words to describe you wouldn't be fair. To say that the five days I spent with you were unfathomable would not justify the bliss you brought to my life. The week I spent in Jamaica about a year ago, gave me a sense of peace, an easy, wonderful feeling that moved through my mind and within my heart. Removing myself from people, environments, and circumstances that support unhealthy habits, transformed my happiness into something I didn't know existed.
I've learned happiness is a decision, and once you make that decision there is a process to find that happiness. A process that begins with elimination.
Eliminate all thoughts that do not fuel you for the better.
There have been times I get a kick out of fueling my anger. I can be so abrasive, cold, and downright belligerent when my feelings are hurt. It comes in a flash, and I am no longer that sweet, silly jellybean. I'm more like that black bitter jellybean that you thought was grape but now you are sadly mistaken. Giving into those hurtful thoughts and expressing it in a way that is harmful to myself and those around me does only one thing, decrease my happiness.
It is best to take a step back and figure out what you're so damn angry about.
Men do this best if you ask me. Because they struggle dealing with their emotions, when emotions do flare up, men step aside and find a way to get back to ground zero. They get into a place where they can be logical again. Females on the other hand are used to emotions and don't care when it comes up or how it gets out. Whatever emotion we feel, those around us will feel it too. (We should wear a caution sign)
Eliminate contact with people who don't bring out the best parts of you
As a teenager I used to get soooo upset at my father. Whenever we spoke, it had to end with heads getting chopped off and spleens ripped out. Let the best fighter win. It was always him. I used to say 'I'm not like this around anyone else! Only around you!' Now, I'm positive my raging hormones had everything to do with my poor communication skills with my father back then. Plus, what teenager doesn't hate their parents. Like any parent-teenager relationship, there are people in your life who simply don't bring out the best in you. Instead, they bring out the worst.
Don't constantly use energy to fight this person day in and day out. Let them go, so you can make room for people who give you energy instead of drain it.
Eliminate situations that frustrate you or turn them around
Before I went to Jamaica, I was overly stressed due to work. There wasn't a day that something didn't piss me off. (I'm in the process of writing a book called Korporate Will Kill You) After I came back from Jamaica, my job didn't affect me quite the same. I made a decision to pursue life coaching and get certified. My stressful job was now funding my dream job.
Sometimes you can't eliminate the situation you’re in. Although, you can always turn your trials into triumphs, but you must be open to doing so.
After elimination is complete, the process on finding happiness can begin.
The things you go looking for, you are bound to find.
Once you declare your happiness and eliminate your unhappiness, you must look and produce your happy-go-lucky-ness until it is easy to recognize.
Let go of the ideas about what should make you happy. Let go of the idea that more money, more acknowledgement, more friends, more IG fame, more opportunities to sleep, a promotion, or brand new new car will bring about happiness, because it won't.
Yes it will feel good momentarily to acquire these things, but you will be surprised by how quickly that pleasurable high will fade.
With the amount of suicides that have happened by the hands of those with money, fame, and influence, it's apparent that happiness is derived from something on a deeper level.
We have been taught that happiness will come from all the crap we can stuff into our lives: clothes, cars, climbing the corporate ladder, clinging onto things that we will eventually lose.
Truth be told, happiness comes from the experiences we have, from those we love, the ability to grow, learn and change.
It's all about perspective no matter where you are. You must choose to see beauty in the situation you are in.
In Jamaica there was no hot water, no cable, and absolutely no air conditioning in 100 degree weather, but I was surrounded by the bluest ocean, around loving family, and eating the purest food. There was absolutely nothing not to be happy about.
Feel Free,
Mel
What are You Meant to Do?
Every single thing that happened in your life is preparing you for the moment to come -- Oprah
The reason you were made was no accident. It took divine intervention and a series of steps for your existence to come about. You were no mistake. No matter how unprepared your parents were. No matter if they had no intentions of having a child, there was nothing that could stop you from being created.
Think about that for a second...
You are destined for something that is greater than you. You cannot hide from your gifts and purpose. You cannot shield yourself from the personality that is within you. You must be who you are in this world and express it shamelessly.
We all have a purpose and it is hinted to us from the beginning of our lives.
From the age when I could do chores, that was probably 7 years old, I was organizing EVERYTHING. I remember having to gather the trash from each room, sweep, and wiped down counters every Saturday morning. I always ended up categorizing toiletries and accessories. I made sure every single item had a home. Once I finished I was relaxed and proud. As I got older. I did the same at visits to my sister's newest fly apartment. She would go out and by the time she came back her jewelry was organized, her purses were assorted by color, her shoes were neatly tucked in their respective boxes. All her clothes were hung up and folded, long dresses over here, button ups over there, freak'em dress here. She was always elated to come home to a clutter free bedroom with all her favorite items shining for her to see. Plus she would see all the things she no longer wanted and I would get first dibs (little sister perks). It wasn't until I was on probation (from a traffic violation. I'm no criminal but I murder these streets lol smh). It wasn't until I was on probation and I did my hours at a charity house when I realized I need to organize for a living! I was reorganizing their ENTIRE building and it dawned on me that people need this service and I need to use this gift to build a career. From then on I began building my portfolio as a professional organizer.
Your calling feels like a tap at first. If you're not paying attention it will start to show up in a series of taps. These taps will soon turn into nudges-- nudging you towards one direction. If you ignore it and head the other way, the nudges will turn into pulls. A pull that is so strong, that everywhere you go you are reminded of what it is you should be doing.
Because people often forget that we are not the sole creator of the world around us, it can feel odd going in a direction that was not your idea in the first place. It can be unsettling to believe you should be doing one thing but you continue to do something else.
Listening to the signs life throws our way will lead to authentic happiness and satisfaction. There is nothing greater than playing out the role you were destined to play. If you are thinking I don't know what I'm meant to do, just stop. You are doing it all the time without even realizing it. What do you do automatically without realizing it? What do you do without even trying? What is something you are well known for among your family and friends? What have you been doing since you were a child that you still do today?
It could be as simple as talking plenty, making friends where ever you go, or planning projects. If talking is second nature for you, maybe you would be great at radio, hosting conferences, or doing speaking engagements.
If you effortlessly make friends the moment you step into a room, you are a natural relationship builder which is a needed skill in PR, Marketing and Business.
If you're always planning a girls night out, birthday parties, or trips, maybe event planning or project management is your thing.
Point is, notice the taps, follow the nudges, and give into the pulls life reveals to you. You are the co-creator of the world around you, but there is already a plan in place for you. All you have to do is follow it.
Feel Free,
Mel
Practice Patience but never stop Doing
"Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience" Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is nothing like watching the clock while at work. It is completely discouraging and draining. Every hour that passes feels longer than the last. I scroll through my entire IG timeline. I check my FB notifications. I read through my emails. I've done everything except work. I then look through pictures of my bubbly baby and wish I could be at home with him instead of here in this cube.
The beginning is difficult. All we envision is the future...future success, future achievements, future happiness. The hardest part is not knowing how long we must endure this moment in our lives that feel like forever.
How many years must you work in this 9 to 5? How many years must you maintain an entry level position until you can move-on to greater things. How long will you work for someone that doesn't know your name but sees you more like a disposable budget? How much longer will your paychecks give you just enough each month and never more than enough to spare?
It's all about:
When will this happen?
When will this change?
When will this go away?
But when is the piece that needs to be forgotten. When is the piece that is least important. It is easy to speed through time in your mind. But no matter how far down the line you envision, six months from now, a year from now, three years from now, time will move as it may. The life you want to live has to start now and not a second later.
If you want to increase your income, ask for a raise, apply to another position whether or not you’re qualified, monetize a hobby part time, have a yard sell and get rid of the unwanted things in your life. If you want to live in a more aesthetically pleasing environment, paint a room, hang-up pictures, rearrange your furniture.
It’s not about waiting for the things you want in your life to happen. It’s about making them happen wherever you are. And as you integrate all the things you want in the future right now, you start to see it become part the present.
I am a sole believer that the more of what you put in your life, the more that it will come into your life. If you allow drama into your life, the more drama will follow you. If you increase frustration in your day, the more frustration will take hold of you. On the other hand, the more peace you practice, the more peace will find you. The more love you give yourself, the more love you will receive from others.
The world has a way of knowing exactly what you want by listening to what you choose to keep in your life. Plant the seed of what you want in life and allow time to enhance each and every one of your desires.
But remember, a seed must be sown in order for it to grow. Sow your seeds now, not later.
Feel Free,
Mel