Get Family & Friends on Board with Your Life Changes

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself

When you're in the midst of making a change in life-- whether it's trying to improve yourself, build a business, or create a lifestyle that's not surrounded by dysfunction, there will be people that will try to distract you from your goal. Mind you, they are not doing it intentionally.  You're the one that's making the change. You're the one that's disrupting the flow by altering the dynamics of the relationship.

Your strive for change can cause tension and confusion with the ones you love. Making a change in your life is hard enough, there's no need to make it more difficult by crumbling close relationships.

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If you're on the path to making a change in life and want those around you to be on board, here are a few things to keep in mind:

LEARN TO COMMUNICATE

If you're taking a break from alcohol but your friend is insisting you have a drink, don't get upset. Don't get defensive and insult her for not being able to have a good time without being intoxicated, all because you've decided to make that change in your life. Respect her views and let her know why you refuse to drink right now. Sometimes we want to keep positive changes a secret, because we fear we may not be able to succeed. If you don't tell anyone, and you fail, no one will ever know. Sharing your desire for change actually does the opposite. It holds you more accountable, and if you're sharing it with a loved one, they'll cheer you on.

BE PATIENT

You will have to remind others around you of what you're trying to do. Yes, it will get annoying. You think to yourself, 

'I know we've had this conversation already yet they act brand new every single time'.

Put those manners your parents raised you on to work. Be polite and repeat yourself. It's not a crime to repeat yourself. I repeat, it is not a crime to repeat yourself.

BE CONSIDERATE

Your friends and family love you so very much and want to share their time and experiences with you. The time you're spending on changing is probably taking away from that. Put yourself in their shoes. Find ways to keep the peace without sacrificing your needs. This has been a great challenge for me as I designate time each day to work on my business. My boyfriend wants to watch a movie. Which sounds harmless, but he wants to do it with no phones, no iPads, and no laptops. (Basically no distractions) This can be pure torture when all I'm thinking about is the amount of work I can get done in this hour and a half. So we agree that I put a time stamp on what I need to do, and when times up, business gets put away and quality time begins. The beautiful thing about this arrangement is during the designated work period, I'm working with intention, motivation, and fluidity that produces a great outcome. When my time is up, I can relax and spend time doing other things that are equally important to my business(i.e simply watching a movie and eating ice cream with my boobie)

It's easy to get frustrated by the person who is impeding on your growth. How dare they not see what you're doing with your life. How dare they intrude with their wants and desires. How dare they want to spend time with you. (Humans are so self-involved lol)

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Here's the thing, your growth is no one's responsibility but yours. If you want to grow, change, and become something more than what you are today, it is your responsibility to make that happen. It is also your responsibility to remind others of what you're doing and where you're going. It is also your duty to never forget how your life affects those that you love. It is easy to be selfish and only focus on your goals, needs, and desires. But if all you do is care about you, whenever you get to wherever you're going, you'll be standing there alone. Maybe physically or so far removed emotionally that even in a crowded room you are lonely.

Strive for harmony, a sweet rhythm that involves the notes in your life that are vital. It is not created by your sound alone but of the ones who are willingly playing around you.

Feel free, Mel

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How to maintain your happiness when others around you are miserable

It's a beautiful day. You woke up before your alarm, had a good breakfast, got to work on time. You know that without a doubt today is going to be lovely day. Then your coworker comes over complaining about work before work has even started. You're thinking to yourself, is she serious? She's mad already? Has she even turned on her computer yet? You listen and nod your head as she goes on an on about the same thing she complained about yesterday. This is not how you wanted to start your morning but you feel bad ignoring  her so you let her vent. Twenty minutes later you're semi annoyed, drained and no longer have that pep in your step.

Moments like this can really throw off what was supposed to be a great day. It is really tough recovering from a negative conversation.

Misery loves company.

You've heard it before and you'll hear it again, because truth doesn't fade. Negative people want to be heard, but more than anything, they want to rally up negativity within others so they can feel good about being so miserable. They want to justify their self sabotaging thoughts and negative attitudes, so they seek for validation anywhere they can get it.

Now at one point or another, we have all been in a negative space and dumped negative energy onto anyone who would listen. The older I got, the more experienced I became, the more I understood the power of words. The words we think and say develop into our physical world.

Think of words like clay. It starts out as a blob, just a single mass with no meaning. Then you begin to twist, turn and combine this clay together. Next thing you realize, you have created something you can recognize, describe, and observe.

Words are like that. They start out as simple definitions and don't start to take on meaning until they are attached to other words that give it meaning. This meaning is given feelings, and those feelings turn into beliefs. Beliefs are part of the foundation we use to determine how we act in any given situation. One action after another creates our experiences, therefore creates our lives. And this all started out with a single word.

The power of words have started revolutions, built empires, and enslaved massive groups of people.

If you don't want others dumping negativity onto your day use words to maintain your power. Use words to maintain your happiness.

Offer help- sometimes complaining is a cry for help. That person will appreciate your assistance and you'll feel good about being a solution to someone's problem.

Be a listening ear- truly listening to someone and saying 'that sucks' or 'how awful' can make them feel heard. Once they feel heard the sooner they will want to talk about something else.

Change the subject to something lighter or more positive - a switch of subjects could be exactly what the person needs. Help them forget about their worries for a bit and focus on something that you both can enjoy- like puppies or chocolate chip cookies from Subway.

Be honest- there is nothing wrong with telling someone you're having a good day and you don't want to mess it up with negativity,  can you talk about something else. People fear being honest because of how the receiving person may react and it may hurt their feelings. Instead you're left hurt while the other person feels relieved.

Don't feel guilty about doing what's right for you. You cannot serve anyone else if you don't have what you need and you need your sanity! You need to be stessfree, mentally clear and emotionally sound to deal with all the situations that are going on in your own life. Don't give others the permission to take away the fuel you need in order to make your day better. It's not selfish, it's self preservation.

Feel Free,

Mel