What's Stopping You from Reaching Your Goals

Knowing what to do is very different than doing what you know.

Goal: The end result. It is what you want to achieve.

Action: The how. It is the steps required to achieve.

One of the most vital skills that sets us apart from much of the animal kingdom is we are able to see into the future. Not predict the future, but envision it. We can imagine a time that has yet to exist. This skill has made it possible for us to have goals and dreams. We all aspire to do something with our lives. No matter how big or small, we dream of the possibilities that can exist for us tomorrow.

So the question is this,

Why doesn’t everyone reach their goals?

Why don’t we all have what we imagine for ourselves?

What is holding us back from making our dreams a reality?

I have been goal-setting long before I understood what goals were. If there was something I wanted, I found a way to get it. Over time I have observed that making progress on a goal is never linear. People fall into a rhythm, a stage so-to-speak.

The 4 Stages of Reaching Your Goals

Stage 1: The Hopeful Stage

You hope for a life better than the one today. You can see what you aspire to have clearly. You imagine yourself there and finally making it. But you have yet to take any real action to get there, no plan, no progress, only potential. In this stage, the goal is only a dream.

Stage2: The Acting for the Sake of It Stage

You don’t know exactly what you want, but you know you don’t want what you currently have. So you try any and everything hoping that it will land in the right place at the right time. You tell yourself when the opportunity presents itself you’ll know. In this stage, a goal doesn’t exist. You think one doe,s because you’re  putting effort towards something, but that something consistently changes. You’re  never makes progress in any one direction, therefore you have no finish line to cross, no goal to reach.

Stage 3: The Lost Stage

You know what you want and you’re doing things randomly to get there. There’s no true commitment or consistency in what you do. You’re hopeful that you’ll reach your goal in due time, but you’re constantly in and out of this belief. Your feelings are as inconsistent as your efforts to reach your goal. This stage is the hardest of all, because you know what needs to be done and where you want to go, but your dedication, your commitment wavers. And this is where a lot of people get stuck. This is where progress gets stagnant.

Stage 4: The Reaching Stage

Everyday you are reaching for your goal by working on the plan you’ve put in place. You are clear on where the finish line is and you know what you need to do to get there. You don’t care if it’s big or small steps, everyday to take one step closer to reaching your goal. You see the progress increase over time. Where you are today is different from where you were months ago. It may not be grand, but there's definitely a change. Your confidence, dedication, and skils are growing- YOU are growing.

I have found myself in each of these stages from when I started my blog. Initially I had no idea what I wanted to do with it other than release my creativity.  Then I had a vision of where it could go, but I never made a plan on how to get there. I committed to blogging consistently but that’s it. My effort didn’t align with what I wanted, which is turn my blog into a piggy bank. It took me some time and a lot of trial and error, but my goals and actions have finally started working as one each and every day.

If you find yourself in any of the first 3 stages and you’re ready to make it to stage 4 continue reading. .

How To Reach Your Goals

GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT- If you don’t know exactly what you want just stop. Stop everything you’re currently doing. You can’t know what to do if you don’t know what you want. Getting clear on your vision will make planning out your actions much easier. And that leads me to the next point..

PLAN IT OUT- Work backwards.  For example, if you wanted to make $100,000 a year as a speaker, ask yourself, ‘ What do speakers do to make 6 figures a year?’ You may find they do college tours and workshops. You would then inquire how colleges go about picking their speakers. Based on their criteria, you would start working on a single speech that falls in line with what they’re looking for. For the workshops, you would research the track record of speakers featured at workshops. You may find that before they were paid to speak at other workshops, they hosted their own. You would then find a topic your passionate about that you can master and start putting on workshops of your own. To learn how to speak publically, you would consider joining Toastmasters- a widely respected, national public speaking organization. This is long and drawn out and will take time to accomplish, but each year you will know you’re getting one step closer to your ultimate goal- making six figures as a speaker. Which leads me to step 3..

GET COMMITTED- This is most difficult but also most powerful. This will be driven by why you want what you want and will be reinforced by your plan. There is no reaching your goals without true commitment.  You can know what you want and plan it out, but if your actions don’t say the same, then you aren’t committed to getting what you want. Think about it. If someone says they are committed to this relationship, but never follows through on what they say, is not around when it counts, wants to be in a relationship one day, then single the next, you simply wouldn’t believe them. This person is not committed to their partner or having a loving relationship. Once a person’s actions align with what they want, what they want will appear.

Reaching your goals is not as complicated as we make it seem. If you get clear, plan it out, and get committed,  you’ll start to see the progress you’ve been longing for. We all have the abilities to make what we want a reality. That is not my opinion, that is fact.

Feel Free,

Mel

Get Family & Friends on Board with Your Life Changes

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself

When you're in the midst of making a change in life-- whether it's trying to improve yourself, build a business, or create a lifestyle that's not surrounded by dysfunction, there will be people that will try to distract you from your goal. Mind you, they are not doing it intentionally.  You're the one that's making the change. You're the one that's disrupting the flow by altering the dynamics of the relationship.

Your strive for change can cause tension and confusion with the ones you love. Making a change in your life is hard enough, there's no need to make it more difficult by crumbling close relationships.

Related Posts:Life is Easy. It's Living That's a Bitch.

If you're on the path to making a change in life and want those around you to be on board, here are a few things to keep in mind:

LEARN TO COMMUNICATE

If you're taking a break from alcohol but your friend is insisting you have a drink, don't get upset. Don't get defensive and insult her for not being able to have a good time without being intoxicated, all because you've decided to make that change in your life. Respect her views and let her know why you refuse to drink right now. Sometimes we want to keep positive changes a secret, because we fear we may not be able to succeed. If you don't tell anyone, and you fail, no one will ever know. Sharing your desire for change actually does the opposite. It holds you more accountable, and if you're sharing it with a loved one, they'll cheer you on.

BE PATIENT

You will have to remind others around you of what you're trying to do. Yes, it will get annoying. You think to yourself, 

'I know we've had this conversation already yet they act brand new every single time'.

Put those manners your parents raised you on to work. Be polite and repeat yourself. It's not a crime to repeat yourself. I repeat, it is not a crime to repeat yourself.

BE CONSIDERATE

Your friends and family love you so very much and want to share their time and experiences with you. The time you're spending on changing is probably taking away from that. Put yourself in their shoes. Find ways to keep the peace without sacrificing your needs. This has been a great challenge for me as I designate time each day to work on my business. My boyfriend wants to watch a movie. Which sounds harmless, but he wants to do it with no phones, no iPads, and no laptops. (Basically no distractions) This can be pure torture when all I'm thinking about is the amount of work I can get done in this hour and a half. So we agree that I put a time stamp on what I need to do, and when times up, business gets put away and quality time begins. The beautiful thing about this arrangement is during the designated work period, I'm working with intention, motivation, and fluidity that produces a great outcome. When my time is up, I can relax and spend time doing other things that are equally important to my business(i.e simply watching a movie and eating ice cream with my boobie)

It's easy to get frustrated by the person who is impeding on your growth. How dare they not see what you're doing with your life. How dare they intrude with their wants and desires. How dare they want to spend time with you. (Humans are so self-involved lol)

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Here's the thing, your growth is no one's responsibility but yours. If you want to grow, change, and become something more than what you are today, it is your responsibility to make that happen. It is also your responsibility to remind others of what you're doing and where you're going. It is also your duty to never forget how your life affects those that you love. It is easy to be selfish and only focus on your goals, needs, and desires. But if all you do is care about you, whenever you get to wherever you're going, you'll be standing there alone. Maybe physically or so far removed emotionally that even in a crowded room you are lonely.

Strive for harmony, a sweet rhythm that involves the notes in your life that are vital. It is not created by your sound alone but of the ones who are willingly playing around you.

Feel free, Mel

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When Something Happens You're Not Ready For

IV makes it very clear that he's a big boy and no longer needs me like that lol

The other day something happened that I was not ready for. I couldn’t plan for it. There was no way I could've prepared for what I was about to experience. I’ve been breastfeeding my son now for 7 months. At this point I pump majority of the time and nurse at least once per day. One night I went to nurse IV before bed like I usually do, and he denied me.

When I say he denied me, I mean he completely refused my nipple.

I knew he was hungry, but it was clear he didn’t want milk from that source. To entice him, I even squeezed out a little milk on his mouth, but he wasn’t having it. He wanted the bottle, and there was nothing I could do to sway his mind. So I gave in. I made him a bottle, and he gladly grabbed it from me. A few minutes later, he laid in my arms completely full and sound asleep.

I sat there confused, not really knowing what to do next. IV’s new found declaration had caught me off guard. See, we have a system. I change him, nurse him, then rock him to sleep. He was messing that system up. I enjoyed nursing my booger before bed. Not only was it bonding time for us, it was also one less pumping session for me. But in a blink of an eye, he was on to something new. Our system had changed and I had to adapt.

This moment reminded me of how change is inevitable and it will hit you whether you’re ready or not. You can resist it try to holding onto the same routine, the same situation, the same mundaneness or you can acknowledge the change, shift gears, readjust, and evolve.

Related Post:The 1 Reminder Every Mom Needs

When it comes to building a business or building a brand, situations will happen that can throw you off your game. You could lose (or even better)break your jump drive with all your material on it, a fight with your boyfriend can turn your mood upside down and hinder your motivation to work, you can plan to be a feature for an event but find out last minute you are now the headliner. (These are just examples. None of these things have ever happened to me -__-). All these things can be frustrating because now you must disregard how you feel and do what you need to do. Because your business, your brand, does not care about your feelings, how thrown off you are or unprepared you are . Your creativity, your vision, your dream is selfish and just wants to be shared by any means necessary.

You must dry those tears, muster up some courage and put your big girl pants on, because entrepreneurship is not for the weak. It is not for the easily flustered. It is not for the ones who can’t take a hit. Entrepreneurship is for those who can stand tall when they’re scared. It’s for those who can laugh when they’re mad. It’s for those who can see a roadblock and find another way.

When change happens it is easy to wallow about how unfair it is and how it’s messing up your plans and ultimately ruining your life. It’s so easy to choose defeat. But once you choose defeat, your choice for success is out the window. You have now chosen a new path and that path keeps you exactly where you are.

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If you have chosen entrepreneurship as your career path that means you have made a decision to find your version of success. What you will come to find out is this question will be asked of you time and time again:

Are you sure you want to do this?

Every time things don’t go as planned, every time you’re caught off guard, every time something happens you’re not ready for, you will have to decide, “Are you in or are you out?”

Time and time again you’ll say yes, grudgingly maybe, but your heart will say yes.

There’s no denying what the heart wants.

To all my entrepreneurs who are building a brand, building a business, building a lifestyle, I encourage you to embrace unexpected circumstances. Refuse the urge to fight it, pity yourself, or wait for things to go back to how they were. Because this is the path you’ve chosen, and it didn’t promise you routine, predictability or perfection. It can only ensure growth, novelty, and adventure.  Luckily we need all those things.

Feel Free,

Mel