When will you stop making excuses?

Excuses, excuses. Invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to neglect taking a particular kind of action, or as a means of negating responsibility. It’s all too easy to make excuses. Everyday there are things that need to be done with opposite reasons for not getting them done. It’s too late.

I told my friend I would meet her for dinner.

My show comes on tonight.

I just need to take a nap first.

It’s raining. (It’s raining has to be one of the most popular excuses on the planet. We use it on tasks that don’t even require outside activities.)

The list goes on with the number of excuses we make for ourselves. There is only one reason why we all make excuses. And that is FEAR.

Fear of Failure. Fear of Embarrassment. Fear of Change. Fear of Uncertainty. Fear of Responsibility.

We fear the outcome of completing a task and as well as the outcome if we don’t complete it. This defense mechanism stifles us. It suspends our life in time as the world around us continues to flourish. Instead of doing what needs to be done, an enormous amount of time is spent doing a lot of nothing. Then we sit and think about how we wish we had gotten something accomplished and by the end of the day it has now transferred onto tomorrow’s “things to do list”.

The fact of the matter is it takes discipline to do the things that need to get done even if you don’t want to do it. It takes discipline to say,

“No matter what, I will get this done before bed.”

It takes discipline to put your phone down for an hour. It takes discipline to record your favorite shows instead of turning on the television as soon as you get home. It takes discipline to turn down an invite for drinks after work when you know you have things that need to get done.

“It takes discipline to stop making excuses.”

You will still be fearful on your first couple of attempts developing discipline. Excuses will continue to pop-up day after day, but you must ignore them and move forward anyway. Until you start ignoring the excuses and pressing onward, the things you want out of life will forever be lingering outside your reach. The gap between your current and desired reality will only get larger.

Stop focusing on the problems, excuses, and the fears. Set your sights on your next steps, open opportunities, your desires, and your dreams. Stop allowing excuses to mold your today and your tomorrow. There will always be alternate options that are meant to distract you from what you need to do. If you have a dream you must be wise enough to recognize it and strong enough to not let it go.

Feel Free,

Mel

Rejection is Your Protection

Thank you for your interest in being part of our organization. Although we are impressed by your accomplishments, at this time we cannot offer you an opportunity to interview. Thank you again. This is one of several emails I have received from various companies. Day after day, I spend hours going through tedious applications and putting my best foot forward in hopes of receiving a call back from one company that believes I would be a good fit for an open position.

In return, I get to read through rejection letter after rejection letter until that call comes.

“Rejection has the ability to tap into a very sensitive area within us.”

It has the ability to make us feel inadequate, unnoticed, unworthy, and unwanted. We grow up learning that if we are rejected by someone then there is something not quite right with us. It could be how we look, how we do things, or where we are from.

Just because we are rejected by someone does it really mean something is not right within us or this would not be a good fit for you and that other person.

Sometimes we want things that are not meant for us or good for us. It is easy to believe that because you want something then you should surely have it. But there is something or someone out there that actually knows what is meant for us even when we cannot see it for ourselves.

In order to get us closer to that divine intersection, in order to find that thing that fits into our lives like a puzzle piece, certain situations, people, and opportunities must be denied our attention. If it is not, the most precious thing of all will be wasted, time.

When someone you like doesn’t call you back, a job does not offer you a position, or someone denies you their friendship, do not waste time thinking about how if you were this, or better at that, then maybe this would not have happened. Think of that rejection as your protection from something sour and a setup for something sweeter.

Be grateful that none of your precious time will be wasted on something that you would eventually no longer want in your life.

Rejection has the ability to prepare you for what is rightfully yours and yours alone.

Feel free,

Mel

Go Hard or Go Home

For some reason, I believe I come from this far away planet (the same one Diddy is from) where people do not need sleep, a well-balanced breakfast, a moment to do just nothing, and especially (this is my favorite) don’t need help from others. Because of this mentality, I’ve proclaimed myself to be the sole person to take care of my newborn son at night as his father sleeps peacefully in our bed. From 12am to 8am, IV and I are deliriously in the trenches together. Although his father is very good at tending to our son once he gets off work, I automatically felt like I didn’t need sleep like he does. All because he must wake up in the morning to go to work. When the truth is, we’re BOTH going to work. My job is just at home taking care of our son. And for those who have children, you know that I’m not watching movies and taking naps all day. (Although that is how I thought I would spend my maternity leave prior to my maternity leave -___- .)

One night I reached a point of no return. IV had been awake but half sleep, whining and fussing since the last time I fed him which was two hours ago. Any moment now, he would need to be fed again. My nipple kept popping in and out his mouth because I was falling asleep while he was in my hands (Dangerous I know, but it happens to all mothers) This is not only frustrating me but imagine IV’s confused chubby face.

(It was something like this)

So I warmed a bottle, put on his bib, woke up his father, and handed him right over. Imagine his confusion being abruptly woken up in the middle of the night for the first time. He was reluctant, but I was adamant about getting some sleep.

“That night I put aside the lie that I have been believing for far too long.. I can do everything.”

No matter how exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed I am, I can push through and still be successful.

But that’s not true is it? We can’t do everything and be a good girlfriend, daughter, entrepreneur, mother, sister or friend. You can’t function at your best if you are not getting what you need.

The motto is go hard or go home. For anyone that can remember it, Diddy used to have a show called Making the Band, and he would come in the middle of night, like 3am, and wake everyone up in the most dramatic way. He would make this speech about why aren't they practicing, why they don’t need sleep, and how he hasn't slept in years. I must admit, with the success he's had, sleep was probably last on his things to do.

This idea of burn yourself out in order to be successful is a popular belief in our society.

We are to neglect the quality of our lives in order to be successful. Well starting now, I’m totally against that belief.

“You don’t have to be miserable up until you’re successful.”

You’re much better at the things you do and who you are when take care of yourself. The people around you are happier and so are you. You’re not living in a personal jail cell beating yourself up about how you could’ve done more if you had not slept that long, went out with your friends, enjoyed that night of Netflix binging, or talked with your girlfriend for hours about nothing and everything.

The road to success is long and unpredictable. Is it so wrong to make it more enjoyable by nurturing all aspects of your life (emotional, social, and physical) instead of only financial?

We all need different things in life to feel fulfilled and whole. Stop allowing society to tell you that the more you do, the better you are, the closer you are to success. It’s complete hogwash.

A successful life  is a whole life complete with all parts of us living out fully each and every day. Don’t just work on financial success. Work on a successful life. When it’s all said and done, isn’t that what we’re actually chasing?

Feel free,

Mel