Late Night Thoughts

It’s not when I’m fully alert filled with a large bold coffee with a shot of caramel when my mind is turning. It’s not as soon as I wake up and the water hits my face from the shower head. My mind isn’t turning as I check off my To-do list as each hour pasts. No, my mind is not turning then. It’s turning once the house is so silent all you can hear are the creaks. Once my late night texter calls it a night and retreats to his bed, my mind turns. Once I’ve realized I’m sleepy and I have to wake-up in 5 or 6 hours, my mind churns. Yes, it churns then. The ideas of my future are made in these late moments. Decisions of my pasts are accepted and forgiven in these moments. Epiphanies also find time to make an appearance in these moments. It’s here when I feel.. weightless. A simple comfort takes hold of this ever so complex mind and I’m clear. How wonderful would it be if there was a system specifically made for night owls like myself. I’m talking good jobs, post offices, schools, libraries, churches, they are all open in the same way as it is during the day. I digress. I like to write when I feel. Feelings are so intense that they don’t deserve to be withheld. Some can display them so brightly on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, but I choose to communicate my feelings through words. And tonight I feel the need to be forgiving. Forgiving of the Unforgivables. Forgiving of the situations I already made a decision not to forgive. Forgiving of those who just need to be forgiven and those who don’t care to be forgiven. I’ve learned the art of living is “letting go.” Letting go of bad memories, bad relationships, good relationships that ended badly or just ended. Letting go of things that used to matter but hold little relevance to your present days and nights. Letting go of the person you once were. Letting go of all the mistakes you’ve made and even the accomplishments. The point of living is to be present in Today. Do something for Today that will reflect on your tomorrow. How can you move forward to something new, interesting, amazing  and lovely if you’re holding on to what happened yesterday, last week, last year, FIVE YEARS AGO! But people do it every day. We hold on so tightly that opportunities to catch new moments are lost. Living life feeling free of the past and excited about the future brings you back to the days of childhood. The world was a mystery and everyday was another clue. As an adult, that child-like mentality seems to be swept under a rug. Life experiences take a toll on us all. You can be tainted by life or live life Untainted. 

4everLOVING4everLIVING

My New Found Motivation

So it's late, and I just got off the phone with someone who Generally makes me happy (someone I'm dating). The Convo: The events of his day 

1. Cable guy set me up now I have all the channels 
2. Made this homeless guys day by giving him Hawks tickets 
3. Someone gave me 2 free Hawks tickets and I took my friend.

                  - PAUSE- Instantly I knew this friend was a girl. 

We're both in our twenties, we're not exclusive, both of us go out to "mingle" on a regular basis, so why when I heard he chose to take some other girl to a game that I WOULD'VE LOVED VERY MUCH my heart pulsated a little bit. And I know it was a date because he also mentions eating at one of my old jobs, STATS, and that's where he found the homeless guy smh. Our conversation is cut short because he needs his GPS. I noticed the decrease in happiness from the beginning of the call to this silent moment with myself. I do the only thing that I know makes me happy without a doubt..I look for a fix. Netflix Never Ever fails me. I search down all  the selections and as anyone with Netflix knows you MUST be selective. You could easily end up with a chocolate you absolutely weren't expecting. I find this documentary HAPPY. It dives in to find the essence of Happiness. Most of the correct literature has evaporated in my green-abused mind BUT I do remember the concepts. It stated that while 50% of our happiness is determined by genetics, 10% is our circumstance/health/status, 40% is our actions. From young we are taught through various outlets (media, school, peers) that if we make a lot of money = HAPPINESS. You will grow up and marry that suitable bachelor/adorable beauty and live happily ever after = HAPPINESS. Large labels that you cannot afford but will have you looking too good to be touched = HAPPINESS. When in actuality none of it is true. Once we have our basic needs met, anything extra we will soon adapt to and eventually want more. Each of us knows what excites our hearts but we are flooded with so many other options it confuses us mad. The formula for happiness is different for everyone, know what makes you tick do it more often and REMEMBER we ARE SOCIAL CREATURES. We thrive in environments filled with love, compassion, and a sense of togetherness. As of tonight, I'm working on what I know makes me happy instead of what should make me happy. The first thing is sharing new-found enlightenment with others hence my first post :)