Go Hard or Go Home

For some reason, I believe I come from this far away planet (the same one Diddy is from) where people do not need sleep, a well-balanced breakfast, a moment to do just nothing, and especially (this is my favorite) don’t need help from others. Because of this mentality, I’ve proclaimed myself to be the sole person to take care of my newborn son at night as his father sleeps peacefully in our bed. From 12am to 8am, IV and I are deliriously in the trenches together. Although his father is very good at tending to our son once he gets off work, I automatically felt like I didn’t need sleep like he does. All because he must wake up in the morning to go to work. When the truth is, we’re BOTH going to work. My job is just at home taking care of our son. And for those who have children, you know that I’m not watching movies and taking naps all day. (Although that is how I thought I would spend my maternity leave prior to my maternity leave -___- .)

One night I reached a point of no return. IV had been awake but half sleep, whining and fussing since the last time I fed him which was two hours ago. Any moment now, he would need to be fed again. My nipple kept popping in and out his mouth because I was falling asleep while he was in my hands (Dangerous I know, but it happens to all mothers) This is not only frustrating me but imagine IV’s confused chubby face.

(It was something like this)

So I warmed a bottle, put on his bib, woke up his father, and handed him right over. Imagine his confusion being abruptly woken up in the middle of the night for the first time. He was reluctant, but I was adamant about getting some sleep.

“That night I put aside the lie that I have been believing for far too long.. I can do everything.”

No matter how exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed I am, I can push through and still be successful.

But that’s not true is it? We can’t do everything and be a good girlfriend, daughter, entrepreneur, mother, sister or friend. You can’t function at your best if you are not getting what you need.

The motto is go hard or go home. For anyone that can remember it, Diddy used to have a show called Making the Band, and he would come in the middle of night, like 3am, and wake everyone up in the most dramatic way. He would make this speech about why aren't they practicing, why they don’t need sleep, and how he hasn't slept in years. I must admit, with the success he's had, sleep was probably last on his things to do.

This idea of burn yourself out in order to be successful is a popular belief in our society.

We are to neglect the quality of our lives in order to be successful. Well starting now, I’m totally against that belief.

“You don’t have to be miserable up until you’re successful.”

You’re much better at the things you do and who you are when take care of yourself. The people around you are happier and so are you. You’re not living in a personal jail cell beating yourself up about how you could’ve done more if you had not slept that long, went out with your friends, enjoyed that night of Netflix binging, or talked with your girlfriend for hours about nothing and everything.

The road to success is long and unpredictable. Is it so wrong to make it more enjoyable by nurturing all aspects of your life (emotional, social, and physical) instead of only financial?

We all need different things in life to feel fulfilled and whole. Stop allowing society to tell you that the more you do, the better you are, the closer you are to success. It’s complete hogwash.

A successful life  is a whole life complete with all parts of us living out fully each and every day. Don’t just work on financial success. Work on a successful life. When it’s all said and done, isn’t that what we’re actually chasing?

Feel free,

Mel

Break your breaking point

You ever have one of those days where you say “That’s it! I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore.” This is the day that everything changes right? This is the moment you make a complete 180 and do what you should’ve done a long time ago. No one can stop this universal change that is about to take place. Not your friends, not your family, not your co-workers, not even YOU, because this “other you” the one that is ready for this massive transformation is not willing to be stopped. Because this time is different. This time you’ve reached your breaking point and no one can tell you otherwise. Truth is we all reach our breaking point more times than we want to. And each time we do, we believe this time will be different; you will be different. At least this is the ultimate intention. Intentions are great but they hardly ever stick. I can’t count the times I have intended to work on my business just to find that days (sometimes hours) later my motivation has diminished, and I’m back to regular scheduled programming. What I wouldn’t give to bottle-up my frustrations and release it every time I needed to get focused.

But life is not that convenient.

Some days are bad but other days are pretty good. They may even be awesome. And that little voice says “This isn’t so bad. I can do this a little while longer.” As I work on myself personally and professionally, I am constantly battling my truth with my reality. I want what I believe to be success, love and happiness to be an actuality and not something that lingers in the future. I want it to be in the now, whatever the circumstance. That means the motivation needed to move forward, to progress, to have what you want does not lie in your frustrations, your intentions, or money. Your motivation must lie in the vision of who you are now and what your life is today. It’s so easy to get swept up in what our life will be a year from now, 5 years from now. It’s easy to talk about the future because it’s so damn far away. It’s a little more difficult to elaborate on what you did today to increase your income, get you closer to your dream job, add more love to your life, or bring more happiness to your existence.

Stop reaching your breaking point and start breaking the same old tired cycle. Yes, your future is bright but only if you dare to make today brighter.

Feel free,

Mel

Are your thoughts on success all wrong?

What if how we've been taught to think about success is all wrong? What if all these years our version of success and happiness is skewed by society, peers, and the media. If someone was to tell you that they graduated from Havard, they are now a lawyer for a firm based out of New York City, have a pent house in Manhatten, all while the two of you are sitting in his 2015 Audi, would you think he was successful? By many people’s standards he would be. Why? Because he fits inside the categories that society glorifies: doctors, lawyers, singers, actors, professors, ivy league alumni, luxury vehicle owner, and city dweller. These roles are considered glamorous and are often aspirations. But what if you met a mother who raised three incredible and happy children, single but enjoys dating, who absolutely loves teaching, lives in a home outside the city and loves trying something new every month like cooking or dance classes. Would she be considered successful?

If the lawyer hated his job, could never find a partner he actually wants to commit to, hardly ever saw his family because it's been difficult maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone back home since college, was tired of the fast-paced lifestyle in the city and really yearned for somewhere quieter. Would he still be stamped successful?

I look at how much people are looking for this one form of success that may or may not even be what they truly want, but since it is sealed, signed and approved by everyone else, that’s the kind of success people aim for. There are so many jobs available but people only want to fight over the same ones- doctor, lawyer, teacher, singer, rapper, actress. There are so many different kind of people to fall in love with but instead people want to fight over the same person- big butt, small waist, long weave, or tall, masculine built, dreamy smile.   There are so many different lifestyles to live but people want to live the life they see everyone else living- clubs, drugs, lust, and endless partying.

It’s really important to find your own version of success and happiness. It’s important to determine for yourself what would make this life (YOUR LIFE) phenomenal, meaningful, and exciting.

You are not meant for everybody and everything is not meant for you.

It is okay to recognize and accept that. Live as if you were the only judge because no one else matters. You only have one chance to live. Live it based on your standards and yours alone.

Feel free,

♥Mel

**Are you an entrepreneur looking to meet other entrepreneurs who are aspiring to do amazing things? Join the conversation and surround yourself will others that aren’t afraid of moving forward in the Feel Free Club FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/905657649473819/